Forgotten Emotion
by SilentSleepingInTheCold
Summary: COMPLETE.Harry knows the pain of unreturned love, but the only way he could deal with it was to forget about the emotion completly. Now emotions he had tried to bury are comming back, and he can't deal with it. Slash
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter

Summary: Harry knows the pain of unreturned love, but the only way he could deal with itwas to forget about the emotion completly. It has gotten to a point where you would think he is a block of ice, only the emotion love is trying to breeak through his barreirs. Bit by bit, the brick wall he built around himself is falling to peices, and its killing him to allow it to all fall down.

A/N I was in a very bad mood when I wrote this, so give me a review if your interested in reading the next chapter cause it's already written.. but I'm to lazy to post mwhahah. This is the profuct of Sleeping in a bad mood o.O enjoy reading :P

* * *

It had come to a point in Harry's life sometime during his seventh year that he learned how much unreturned love really did hurt. After Voldemort was killed successfully for the first time, Draco Malfoy had shown full support for the 'light side.'

Harry at first had felt strange around Draco, not knowing why suddenly he could talk to Draco about things he'd never told anyone else. Malfoy even learned that Harry wasn't as straight as everyone thought he was before Ron or Hermione did.

Draco had never returned that love, though. While he himself was gay as well, he had never seen Harry as more then a friend. He had known that if he and Harry had gotten together, they would lose something really important, and understanding.

Harry had wanted to try, but Draco kept saying no, they shouldn't date one another. Eventually Harry gave up, and when Draco started to date Blaise Zabini their friendship that had been hard earned fell apart right before graduation. Only Draco hadn't known that it had.

Harry never told anyone, and his hate and resentment for Draco grew each day until he found the only way he would get over the blonde bastard was if he forgot about love. He started to shun anything that was about relationships after graduation, refusing to let anyone past a thorny entrance unless they were Ron or Hermione.

Harry knew Draco left to go abroad and study different wizard cultures around the world, but he soon forgot that when Draco's absence hurt him too much. He hadn't been able to let Draco and Blaise be alone easily, so to smile and wave as Draco left for Egypt had been hell on earth for Harry.

Time chilled Harry's heart though, making him forget anyone who didn't spend time with him at that very moment. He only remembered Hermione and Ron, mainly because they had been his friends for so long. Any new friends who came along found themselves faced with untrusting green eyes.

It was not easy, but there were some who made the effort to keep Harry as a friend and Harry found he held those close to him, making sure they never left. Harry didn't tell anyone how he felt inside, though, and no one knew that each day Harry hated a little more, grew a little more icy, and that there was no flame to thaw him for he had snuffed that flame out long ago.

Review if ya want me to post the next chapter sometime soon :P


	2. Starting to Remember

Disclaimer: I Don't own Harry Potter

A/N meh thefirst chapter, erm -shrugs- I dunno if it's going to fast or not.. I was just writting and I kept on writting o.O

* * *

Harry was walking down the sidewalk after having a particularly bad day at work. It had been no piece of cake, that much was for sure, and his boss had yelled at him five times already. It was all Harry could do to not kill someone. 

Harry's anger was an underlying thing lately; it boiled up and then simmered down quickly. It was if hardly anything could get him upset anymore. Harry had stopped wanting sex a long time ago, after having far too many nights with people he would never care about.

Sex was about a bodily release and Harry felt there should be something more to it, and if he could not find that something more, then he wouldn't need that release. He was right; he never did need the release. It had been three months since his last fuck, and in that time all desire for anything involving another body close to his own left.

Harry was happy with his life, to a degree. He got up painstakingly early every day except on weekends. He worked his butt off for his boss, and he went home to lock himself up in an apartment that had the windows all blocked, unless it was night time. Sunlight hadn't touched Harry's living space in two years.

Harry wasn't depressed, he had his days when he felt like jumping off a balcony, yes, but for the most part, he enjoyed laughing with friends and joking around like a lunatic. He smiled regularly, unless he was feeling really crappy, and when he was feeling really crappy he was liable to bitch at anyone if they didn't leave him alone.

Harry opened a lock to the door of his apartment building, letting himself in. He was glaring with dull green eyes at the floor, and never noticed a man staring at him with shock.

The man had silvery blonde hair and was dressed rather fashionably. Not someone you would think who would know Harry Potter, the guy who stopped giving a shit about knowing people and rather much liked to wear black and anything that was covered in chains.

Harry's fashion sense, in a way, had gotten better since his childhood, if you counted looking like a goth or punk 24/7 fashionable. The blonde stared at Harry's wardrobe, gray eyes lighting up when he saw how pissed Harry was looking, as if out to hate the world.

Truth be told, Harry was out to hate the world and those stupid idiots who believed love existed in any form that was not friendship. Harry pressed a button on the elevator and walked into it, and as the door closed the blonde seemed to come out of his trance at the various chains on Harry's pants.

'Woah, he's changed a lot. I'll have to catch him up by his room soon.' the blonde thought, pressing the elevator button and waiting for it to come back down.

Draco Malfoy stared at the man he had come to see, it had been two years but he was back in England from abroad. What Draco didn't know was his old friend had forgotten all about him, because Draco had been associated with love, and Harry it seemed had forgotten how to love.

* * *

Harry slammed his apartment door, cringing when he remembered other people lived around him as well. Oh well, he was in a bad mood so why should he care anyways? Harry walked over to the kitchen, took a drink out of the fridge, and after opening the cap of 'Fizzing Pops' he downed it in one go. 

He then made his way over to his CD player, turning on the music as loud as he was allowed to turn it up to in the apartment, and relaxed to the screaming voice. He didn't know why, but screaming relaxed him, as if it was him who was yelling at all those fuckers in his life.

Harry walked through the dimly lit room, stopping at the couch and laying down on it, closing his eyes and starting to try and attempt a nap. He never got far, because he heard someone knocking at his door. 'Do I ever get peace and quiet?' Harry thought, going to the door and opening it up to reveal someone who looked very familiar, only Harry couldn't place him among his memories.

Draco looked at a very grumpy Harry Potter, who was looking at him as if trying to decipher who he was.. "Hey Harry." Draco said, and Harry frowned, his black hair getting into his eyes. Wow it had gotten long, Draco noticed.

"Um hey, who are you again?" Harry asked, surprised at the look of hurt on the blonde's face.

"Draco Malfoy you idiot." Draco said, thinking Harry was just joking around with him. However, the confused look on Harry's face told Draco Harry honestly did not remember him.

Harry searched for the name in his mind, and struck gold. 'Draco Malfoy: prat for six years, turned best friends, you liked him, left two years ago.' his mind told him, and Harry frowned at the blonde. He looked good, but Harry didn't know the man before him anymore, and he'd changed a lot himself.

Harry doubted this visit would go smoothly, it might be more of a shock to his system then anything for Draco. "Er.. Hey Draco, so you came back from er… wherever you were." Harry said, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

Harry may have changed on the outside but this was Harry, ever the great conversationalist! "Well Harry, yeah I got back a week ago. Went to see Blaise Zabini, remember him? Then I saw a few of the rest of the old group. It took me forever to find where you lived, seeing as you're in muggle London now." Draco explained, and Harry nodded, pretending to listen.

"Would you like to come in?" Harry asked, moving back into the room expecting Draco to follow. As Harry walked his chains clanged together, and he settled himself on his couch again.

Draco looked at the chains covering Harry's pants, and noticed how dark the room was, as if it was a cave. The room seemed to give off a feel of darkness, and yet safety. It was weird at how it felt like a safe spot that was away from the colourful world. Maybe Harry needed this room to be away from the world?

Draco didn't know that he was right, that Harry regarded his room as if it were his own personal getaway. Harry hardly ever let others in it, and he didn't know why he was letting this guy in here, but his memory was saying it was the right thing to do.

Like a photo snaps, bits and pieces of information flew at Harry, and an emotion was attached to these memories, but Harry couldn't tell what it was. Something like lust, and yet a stronger emotion even stood there, buried in his mind, and Harry didn't want to unlock this mysterious emotion.

So he left it and turned to look up at the blonde man who stood in the room, taking in the room with greedy eyes. "So Harry, what have you been up to lately?" Draco asked, and Harry thought about the question before answering.

"Oh the usual, got yelled at at my job. Boss is a prick I tell you. Quidditch games, take a few walks outside. Taking it easy." Harry replied, because he honestly didn't do anything else. He knew he didn't do much, but he never had the need to. Maybe once he did, but he couldn't remember it now.

"What do you do?" Draco asked, slightly shocked that Harry went to a job. Harry could practically live off of the money in his gringott's vault and would never have to worry about a thing.

"Oh, I work at a small restaurant a block from here. Mainly full of people wanting a fast meal. So what have you been doing?" Harry asked, he knew that somewhere in the unknown reaches of his mind a boy named Draco Malfoy wanted to research something, Harry couldn't remember what the research had been.

"Been traveling, seeing the world. Remember, I always wanted to do that?" Draco asked, and he knew the answer, and it hurt that Harry tried to cover up the fact he didn't remember with nodding his head as if acknowledging he the fact that he did indeed remember that there was a Draco Malfoy and that he wanted to do something with his life.

Harry most definitely does not remember though.

"You need a place to stay?" Harry asked, not knowing why he offered this. Ron and Hermione were never invited for the privilege, but for some reason the blonde boy was. Harry couldn't see why, but it seemed appropriate.

Draco nodded. He didn't know if he would rather go back to Blaise's house or stay in this place. It felt like he was intruding on something private even. Draco knew that he came looking for Harry, though, and he wanted to spend time with him more then ever. He just hadn't planned on being forgotten.

"You can stay in the guest room." Harry said, the guest room had not ever been slept in, Harry forgot why he even had one. There was a bed, a dresser, a lamp, and the windows were the only ones that had not been covered to keep the sunlight out. Of course Harry always kept the door that led to the guest room closed.

"Thank you Harry. I know it's an unexpected visit and all…" Draco said, looking for some way to thank Harry. Harry just shrugged and got up off the couch, deciding to open the guest room door. It had been ages since he had opened that door anyways.

"Don't worry about it. Just.. I'm sleeping in tomorrow so don't wake me. I'm a horrible grouch." Harry said, giving a broad smile. Draco returned it. Maybe Harry did remember him after all and was only joking around with him.

Harry didn't know why he was at such ease with Draco Malfoy, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Something was making him scared inside; it was if he was feeling something alien. Forgotten emotions are not something easily dealt with.

Review please.. just to tell me how it was o.O


	3. To close to feel comfortable

Dislcaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N I was half awake when I wrote this and still managed to make it sound like a normal awake person was writting this... amazing that is. I'm going to hurt the person who decided to make tests so close together so I get to study my arse off during a weekend when I want to write! -grumbles- I think the mood changed a bit because I was tired and not so ready to kill someone o.O

**InuLorien** Awww thankies -insert mad blush here- I didn't know that I update so much that its more then most, then again I got quite a few stories going on right now, I never leave my chapters off at a good time? I wasn't aware of it o.o

**Princesspepper **He's so monotonous as you put it cause he doesn't want to be emotional anymore. I'll get into it a bit more later. Hehe yeah I got the idea of covering my windows from my own room, which resembles Harrys haha.

Thankies as well to **Anny Pervert Snape, lampshadesrgreat, and AmethystxX **for the lovely reviews :)

* * *

Draco stared at the bed, it had never been slept in, he could tell that much. It was as if it was waiting for someone to come and sleep in it, and welcoming Harry's first guest with open arms. Either that or the bed was just put in this room for decorations.

Draco had left his luggage at Blaise's house, but he could pick it up and tell Blaise he had found another place to stay. Anyways, Blaise's current boyfriend seemed to not like Draco at all. It was better this way, even if Harry seemed to be a little confused at the knowledge of Draco's sudden existence.

The room, unlike the rest of the apartment, allowed sunlight in, yet it didn't feel safe. The other rooms had been lived in, they smelled of Harry. This room held no smells or emotions. The sun may shine brightly in it, but it had no character.

Draco sighed. He knew he should probably have written to Harry, but he kept moving. He and Blaise had barely kept in contact, and Harry had moved to an unknown address, so Draco had to go on a hunt to find him.

What a shock it had been to find Harry living here and to see Harry the way he was. He didn't look scary, but he looked weird, you could pick him out of a crowd easily. Draco had almost forgotten how Harry could change on a whim, and change Harry had.

He seemed to have taken on a very muggle look, with chains all over his pants and mostly black clothes. Draco didn't mind it, it looked attractive enough but it wasn't the Harry he had known.

This new Harry seemed detached in a way, not the Harry he had known during school. That Harry would have been yelling at Draco for not keeping in touch, would have sulked then forgiven Draco.

This Harry though, well this Harry was odd enough that Draco wouldn't have to worry about any boyfriends at least. A small relief for Draco, he wasn't sure he could take another boy looking at him with jealously and suspicion. Or maybe he couldn't take the fact that it was Harry who had in his own way, always been Draco's from the start.

Draco heard a knock on the door, and Harry popped his shaggy black head into the door. "Settled in yet? I'm heating up some leftover pasta." Harry said, not mentioning the fact Hermione had forced him to take it home last Saturday because Harry never ate when left to his own cooking devices.

"Uh, I need to get some of my bags I left over at Blaise's." Draco replied and Harry nodded.

"Er, who is this Blaise?" Harry asked. The name struck a chord, and the emotion with it wasn't pleasant, it was dislike tinged with another feeling, and he didn't want to feel it. This Draco Malfoy made him feel things he hadn't felt in awhile. Maybe this was a good thing? Harry hoped it wasn't, because he much rather liked his life right now. Or so he kept telling himself.

Draco was thunderstruck. Harry forgot who Blaise was. Blaise the one Draco had dated. Blaise the one Harry had seemed to want to swat down every time he and Draco walked off alone together. Draco found it hard to reply, but he managed. "Blaise is an ex boyfriend of mine."

Harry nodded, seeming to understand. Actually he didn't, he never understood dating. Harry had never dated a guy. There was Cho Chang during fifth year but it had never lasted. Harry didn't care if this guy was dating someone or not, but he asked the question just the same.

"So, you seeing anyone?" Harry asked and Draco shook his blonde head.

"There was a guy a few months ago, but it didn't last. Have you been seeing anyone….?" Draco asked. He didn't want the answer. If it was yes that meant a guy might be coming later on, if it was no that meant Harry really had changed.

Draco didn't know why, it was selfish, but he had always wanted Harry to himself. Sure he knew that if he took Harry they probably would screw up a good friendship, so he had kept saying no to Harry during school. But that was when they were kids.

They were no longer kids anymore. They knew how to handle relationships better; they'd been out and about to date other people. Well Draco for one had at least. "No, I don't date." Harry said, looking uncomfortable.

Draco was relieved, but also upset. Harry had said it as if 'I've never dated and I never want to' and Draco was wondering what made it so Harry was so cold to the idea of dating someone. "The pasta's going to run off if we stay in here talking." Harry said, and moved out of the room. Actually he had had enough of the sunshine for one day; he wanted his blissfully dark apartment.

* * *

After they filled their bellies and Draco had run off to get his luggage from whatever the name had been's house, Harry found himself sitting down and flicking through channels on the tele. He personally was getting sick of the shows they now played, but he didn't have anything better to do with his time anymore. 

He had taken up his time once with friends; he knew that, with homework, with Quidditch… Well he still played Quidditch whenever he got the chance, but with work he didn't always have time.

Harry heard Draco announce his presence again and quickly got up to open the door. Once he opened it Draco levitated four suitcases into the apartment. Harry had never seen someone with so many darn suitcases.

"Are you insane or do you just like to pack?" Harry asked, and Draco laughed.

"Nope. Been traveling, things pile up as you travel." Draco responded, levitating the suitcases into the guest room. Harry watched the suitcases and wondered if they filled with things about Draco Malfoy, maybe if he looked at things that belonged to Draco, he would remember this man.

"Uh okay…" Harry said when his phone rang. Odd as that was, Harry's phone barely ever rang. Harry never expected people to phone him anyways, so he didn't even know why he had a phone. Harry went over to the phone and picked it up, "Hello? Harry Potter speaking." he said.

Draco put his stuff away before he walked back to the main part of the apartment to see Harry looking rather moody and yelling into the phone. "We went over this three months ago Mathew! I don't want to see you again! Sure we had a few good fucks but that was it, so stop harassing me!" Harry growled out and slammed the phone down.

Mathew and Harry had fucked, true, but it had never been more then that. Mathew got into bad relationships then got dumped, cried, and went looking for the next guy. Harry was a reoccurring target for Mathew's abusive pattern.

Draco quirked an eyebrow and Harry shrugged, feeling the need to explain, even though he really didn't need to. "Mathew, ex fuck buddy. He's obsessed I think and seems to think we'd make a great couple. Probably got dumped again." Harry said, and Draco nodded.

Draco was scared in a way, Harry called it fucking: not sex, not making love. He had once called it that but not now. He made it sound.. dirty, unwanted. He made sex sound as if it was something that happened and was not important anymore.

Harry walked over to the couch and plopped down onto it, chains jangling while he did so. Draco walked over and sat down beside Harry to watch the muggle contraption. He'd never understood why muggles watched the thing, but he guessed it was what Harry did now.

* * *

After an hour, Harry suddenly noticed how close he and Draco were sitting together. He hadn't noticed, distracted by the show and who was now sleeping with who and so on. Harry didn't like how close he was to Draco, so he decided to budge a bit. 

Harry shifted a little away from Draco, hoping Draco wouldn't notice.. Draco noticed Harry being so tense near Draco and wondered if Harry had just lost the feeling of physical contact altogether. Draco shifted a little bit closer to Harry, determined to make Harry feel comfortable around him.

Harry and Draco kept shifting, not saying a word to be polite, but when Draco finally shifted to close, and Harry had nowhere else to go, Harry decided to make a run for it. "Uh, I think I'm going to go to bed." Harry said, even thought it was only about 9 pm.

Draco sighed as Harry seemed to shoot off of the couch and to the safety of his almost pitch black, cold room. Harry closed his door, saying a rushed good night before jumping into his bed to find comfort in the dark; alone.

Draco watched the door close in despair. Harry had run away from him. He had never done that before, it had always been Draco stopping it, but this time Harry had run. Draco turned back to the TV, looking at the controls for the 'off button.'

Draco found it to be a big black button. He pressed it and the screen shot off in a blast of light. Draco sighed and went to his room, shutting the door quietly. This visit wasn't going as he had planned.

Review! I just wanna know how this chapter went.


	4. Pancakes

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter

A/N Thankies for all the reviews , I know this chapter kinda is weird but.. Its how it came out -yawns- oki now that my mind is now offically no longer working I'll let you read it.

* * *

Harry woke up early in the morning for what reason, he didn't know. Usually on a day off of work he slept until 1:00 in the afternoon, but today he was up at, he looked over to the clock beside his bedside table, six o'clock in the bloody morning! What was wrong with him?

Harry got up out of his bed, and was surprised to feel the blast of cold air on his bare chest. He shivered, searching his dark room for a shirt. He had no such luck. 'They must all be dirty…' Harry thought, his mind still somewhere in the dream world as he walked out of his room.

When Harry's groggy state of mind lifted, he realized he was very hungry. Harry searched his mind for something to eat, and thought he smelt pancakes. Looking into his kitchen, no one was there; he didn't know why he smelt pancakes.

He decided he might as well make them, forgetting it wasn't him who enjoyed eating pancakes, it was one Draco Malfoy who had always loved munching down on them. Harry rarely ever ate the food, finding it bland for some reason, always taking a bite and finding himself full after said one bite.

Harry searched through his cupboards, doubting very much he had all the ingredients to make pancakes, and was surprised when he found he DID have those ingredients. "Okay now what was it…" Harry searched through his memory, thinking of what measurements were right for flour to make pancakes.

"Fuck I can't remember…" Harry said, searching through his cupboards for a box of recipes Hermione had given him. She was always giving him those damn books, trying to make sure he had a healthy meal. He didn't know why she felt she had to take that responsibility on herself, and he didn't much care. Whatever made her happy.

Ah hah! Harry found a grey box with a bunch of cue cards in them, catorgized neatly by Hermione of course. He searched for the 'P' section and after the many recipes for 'pies' he found the one for pancakes.

He took it out, and started to measure the flour out into a measuring cup. 'One cup of flour, three tablespoons of sugar, half a tea spoon of baking soda…' It was easy enough to make the batter, stirring it in a bowl with his whisk from the small cupboard under the sink.

It had been a wonder that he had found all the things to make pancakes with, he was usually too lazy to cook and opted to not eat anything at all. One would wonder if Harry was under a spell, or if he truly was very hungry.

Harry reached up above his stove to a cupboard, very little used since it held the frying pan, and picked out his frying pan by the handle. He set it down on his stove, and dug out the butter from the contents of his fridge.

He slathered a bit of butter onto the pan, turning the stove onto the number '5' and poured the batter onto the pan to make a medium sized pancake. He let it heat, when he heard a sound come from behind him.

Harry whirled around and stared at the fully dressed man in front of him and, very embarrassingly, realized he had forgotten to get dressed while he was making his breakfast.

He noticed his kitchen counter was very messy, with flour and various other containers littering it. That didn't matter much to him, although he would have to put it all away again, which would suck, but he did have a guest over so probably shouldn't let his apartment get too messy!

"Er… I had a craving for pancakes… you want one?" Harry asked, looking at the blonde and trying to force down the blush that was most definitely trying to make its way to his cheeks.

Draco was busy trying not to stare at Harry, who was showing far too much skin then should be allowed so early in the morning. "Yeah, thought you said you liked to sleep in?" Draco asked, Harry shrugged.

"Yeah, I woke up early and I had a craving suddenly for pancakes. I don't make them often." Harry responded, flipping the pancake onto a plate he had already gotten out earlier. "Syrup should be in the fridge, I think."

Draco raised his eyebrow at the 'I think' but went to the fridge to get out a bottle of syrup, which looked like it had never been used in this millennium. 'What the hell, Harry? Do you starve yourself on most days?' Draco thought, wanting to berate the man before him but didn't know if he should, he felt almost like a stranger around Harry already.

"Just one for you?" Harry asked, knowing that's all he would eat. Draco shook his head.

"No three if you can make it." Draco said, giving Harry a toothy smile when shocked green eyes looked up at him.

"Three? I can't even eat one without feeling very full." Harry responded, and Draco looked at Harry. Sure Harry was thin, but he wasn't starving himself .. Right? Thing was, Draco was starting to bet Harry wasn't eating properly at all.

"I love pancakes, what can I say?" Draco responded, taking out a glass of fruit punch from Harry's fridge. It looked like the only thing that was half full. Harry shrugged, making three more pancakes, hoping he wasn't over cooking them or under cooking them.

He shoved the plate towards Draco, who picked it up and went to stuff himself full of pancakes. Harry made himself one more, making sure it wasn't that big, he didn't know if his stomach could take eating such a large breakfast.

They ate in silence, Harry looking at Draco, before wondering what he would want to do today. "So what do you want to do today, I'm sure we can think of something…" Harry started before Draco decided to cut him off.

"Oh I would love to go to Diagon Alley or some muggle mall!" Draco said happily, Harry looked shocked at Draco. Draco wanting to go to a mall was wrong, he knew this, he didn't know why he knew it was wrong and weird, he just knew.

"You WANT to go to a muggle mall?" Harry asked, not being able to contain the shock in his voice. Draco smirked at Harry. 'Guess he does remember some things about me!' Draco thought, feeling a little happier then last night.

"Yeah, surprisingly enough they can have good clothes, and good shops." Draco told Harry, who rolled his eyes, and Draco felt familiarity again. Harry would always roll his eyes at Draco when it came to the subject of muggles, and he had done it again.

"I guess we could go to the mall around here, take the bus." Harry said. Draco nodded, not being able to contain how happy he was. He was going to do something with this idiot, and they were going to have fun!

* * *

Harry washed the plates and put away the stuff he had made the pancakes with. He noticed he was still undressed, and felt rather embarrassed for it. He probably looked like some slob! Little did Harry realize Draco kept looking over to sneak a glance at his bum, but that can stay a secret for now.

Harry went into his room and picked up a black shirt from the 'clean pile' on his floor. Also from the pile he picked up a pair of jeans and slipped them on. He wasn't one to care about fashion, but he did prefer the darker colours. The chains on his one pair of pants always came in use as well.

Harry picked up a collar from his dresser and put it on his neck, feeling it would look good for today. He walked out of his dark room, and went over to the door. Draco stood there in a jacket, looking at Harry oddly. "What?" Harry asked and Draco pointed to his collar, brushing his fingertips over Harry's neck.

Harry flinched slightly, and at the same time wanted more of that touch. A very conflicting feeling, one he didn't want to contemplate. "Oh, my collar? I just like it…" Harry let out a weak laugh. Draco nodded, not really hearing Harry talk.

The collar seemed to take up most of his attention.

Finally Draco got out of his small 'spell' and looked up at Harry with a small smile. "Well, after you." Draco said and Harry broke out into laughter, letting himself out of his apartment, nearly missing the whispered 'Mademoiselle' in his ear.

Harry didn't know if he liked a breath to be that close to his ears, but he didn't like being called a lady, so he would have to get back at Draco for that. He might as well forget the touching, not like it meant anything, right?

Review kay? o.o


	5. Pain Never Thought About

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N I have to make a warning for this, I have a bit of sexual content in here between two men. So be warned, it's not that bad but one paragraph is so just skip over it if you don't wanna read it. I can't write explicit content, and I would be highly embaressed if I did.

**UK All The Way **lmfao Harry sounds kinda like me with the dark clothes -nods- Yeah I really feel sorry for Draco right now.. How I could write it like this I don't know ;.;

**Inu Lorien **You might not like this chapter cause Harry's an idiot lol, might not like it.

* * *

Giggle snort cough hack.

Harry couldn't help but find everything Draco was saying funny. He didn't understand it, but Draco seemed to draw him in, closer and closer. He didn't like it but he was trying to ignore it.

It had been so long since he let someone in this easily, but he kind of liked it. It was better then having to always hide his feelings, he'd been doing it for so long that he had forgotten how nice it was to be able to just talk to someone and not worry about hating them after a few chats.

Harry walked through the muggle mall with Draco, laughing at the joke Draco had just told him. Childish jokes like that one always did make Harry laugh. Draco's smile was lovely, Harry hadn't noticed it before, but it was.

Harry was still a little shocked that Draco wanted to be in a muggle mall, he'd missed a lot while Draco was gone and it kind of hurt that he didn't know this Draco any more. It was a slight twinge that he'd missed out on so much of Draco's life, and that Draco had missed out so much on his.

Harry noticed a stand in the drug store that held assorted chocolates, and he suddenly got a craving for them. He walked over quickly to the stand, picking them up and smiling at the box, how he did love these things.

He went to the cashier and paid for the chocolates, coming back to where he had left Draco, who was smiling. "I thought for a second you were going to leave me." Draco said and Harry looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"We're not joined to the hip, you know. Want a piece of chocolate?"

* * *

Draco knew they were not joined to the hip, but the way Harry said it hurt. It was as if he wanted to be joined to the hip when Harry had asked to be his boyfriend, and wanted to be with Draco. 

Now he seemed fine enough on his own. It hurt Draco, and Draco knew why. He was tired of going off to the next person, and trying again and again with another guy only to always end up thinking of Harry and how he was doing.

"Yeah, I want a chocolate." Draco said, smiling sadly, as he took a rectangle caramel from the box and stuffed it into his mouth. He liked the taste, but it was almost bland in his mouth because Harry was still so cold towards him.

It took a lot not to just throw his hands up, tackle Harry to the ground, and snog his brains out.

* * *

After the mall, Harry said he wanted to go back to his apartment for a nap; he wasn't used to going shopping a lot. He usually just bumped around at his home and was happy for it. 

Harry and Draco bumped into each other in the doorway, and Draco moved through the door first because he was the guest after all. Harry caught himself staring at that ass, it was a nice ass after all, but he felt wrong looking at it.

He hadn't had the urge to so much as touch anyone in months, why now was he interested in Draco? 'Maybe I just need a release. I can always call up Mathew and take care of the problem. Yes that's it; I'm finally getting my libido back.' Harry thought he couldn't, he wouldn't, be attracted to Draco.

For some reason being attracted scared him more then letting Mathew touch him again.

* * *

Draco got an owl to go over to Pansy Parkinson's for supper, and he would have liked to take Harry, but he doubted very much Pansy would have wanted Harry at her house. She married rich of course, pureblood as expected, and currently had a child and was pregnant. 

Harry didn't hear a word of the update on Pansy's life because he was more preoccupied with getting Mathew into his apartment, into his bedroom, and out before Draco got back from the Parkinson estate.

Harry had called Mathew once he heard of Draco going to the place; he needed a release soon, very soon, because he found himself staring at Draco more and more. He even noticed how easy it would be to lean over and kiss him.

Harry didn't understand it, but he didn't want Draco to see Mathew, and he didn't want Mathew to see Draco.

"Well I should get going, I'll be back by midnight" Draco said, smiling as he opened the front door to the apartment. Harry winked back at him.

"Well don't come around at four in the morning, wake me up and be drunk, okay?" Harry said playfully, getting a laugh out of Draco.

"Gotchya Harry." Draco said, walking out into the hall. He was almost out of the building when he noticed a dirty blonde haired guy walk into the room, dressed creepily like Harry only his hair was spiked up at odd angles.

Draco didn't notice much of anything else when he apparated to Pansy's, except the boy look around confidently at Draco and winked, his purple eyes speaking that he wasn't a muggle at all.

* * *

The door to Harry's apartment rang, and Harry opened it to see Mathew standing there, his hair spiked at odd angles and his purple eyes dancing madly. Mathew wasted no time in picking Harry's smaller body up and kissing his pink lips. 

"I almost thought you were going to stop having sex altogether." Mathew commented, as Harry started to kiss back.

"I think we both know I was going to cave sooner or later, now shut up and fuck me." Harry replied, more interested in guiding Mathew to his couch, his floor, his room, anywhere they could have sex.

Harry wrapped his arms around Mathew's broad shoulders, allowing the man to nip and bite his neck. Harry always had liked it a little rough. Harry allowed Mathew to pull off his clothes, and he in turn pulled Mathews clothes off.

It was much like the first time he'd had sex with Mathew, passionate yet all about a release. There was no love, no emotion. But right now Harry didn't care; he had a body on top of him, his back pressed into the cushion of the couch, and a hot mouth biting his earlobe.

Harry almost wished that Mathew had light blonde locks instead of gelled hair, but he quickly pushed that thought out of his mind and concentrated on Mathew, on release, on the way to fix his problem.

* * *

Draco sat on a couch, it was leather and much more expensive then Harry's, but somehow Harry's had been more comfortable then this couch could ever be. Money, where Harry was concerned, had never been everything as it had always been with Draco. 

"So Draco, what are you planning to do now?" Pansy asked, patting her huge belly happily.

Draco shrugged, blonde hair moving into his face. He pushed the locks away, looking at Pansy. "I'm not to sure at the moment. Do you know what happened to Harry? He's so different.. I don't know how the hell to.."

Pansy snorted, and Draco looked at her, shutting his mouth tight. "Potter? Yeah I heard from Hermione at the ministry a few months back. He's changed all right. Stopped caring about many things she says. Works at a restaurant only because it brings in money, and the way she tells it, he's got a thousand and one walls around him now." Pansy replied.

Draco looked shocked, unsure of how to answer. "He seems fine.. I mean he doesn't seem depressed or anything." Draco said, thinking about Harry's dark room. Okay maybe just a little, but Harry did seem fine, sort of.

"Hermione put it this way. Harry stopped opening his heart up to people. She mentioned a Mathew fellow who seemed to catch Harry's attention once. Nothing came out of it apparently." Pansy explained. Draco scowled when he heard the name Mathew. The same name of the person who Harry said harassed Harry for a date.

Draco sighed, and decided it was time to get back to Harry's. It was almost eleven anyways. "Pansy I think it's time I left." Draco said and Pansy looked disappointed.

"Oh Draco, you could stay the night you know! We have a guest room." Pansy said but Draco stood and brushed his pants off and stretched.

"No thank you Pansy, I told Harry I'd be back, and I'd like to spend more time with him before I go and figure out what to do with my life." Draco responded, smiling lightly. Pansy nodded.

"Yeah, you two were close in the last few years. I guess I can understand. You guys acted like a couple, almost everyone thought you were dating." Pansy commented and a thought came into Draco's mind unbidden, 'If that idiot let me in we could make up for lost years.'

Pansy sighed, looked at the clock and nodded. "I'll have Jinks escort you to the door." she said. The house elf popped up with the snap of her fingers, and took Draco to the door, where he apparated back to Harry's apartment building.

* * *

Harry was busy with a mouth full of Mathew's cock when he heard someone knock on his door. Harry's head snapped up and Mathew's cum shot into his face, covering it with the white substance. 

"Who's that?" Mathew asked, not at all embarrassed at being interrupted. Harry frowned.

"An old friend, he's been staying here for a few days. He said he'd be back at twelve, he's an hour early. Damnit." was the only explanation Harry was going to offer to Mathew.

"Well, I'm going to have to meet this friend I guess, better put some boxers on at least." Mathew said, his spikes still up even though he was sweaty everywhere else. Harry's dark hair was matted and tousled, telling all he had been up to.

"Harry?" Harry head Draco call, and swore once more before pulling on his boxers and getting up to open up the door. Draco stared at Harry when the door opened, thinking Harry was very sexy in boxers before realizing he smelled of sex.

Harry smiled nervously. "I'm sorry I thought you were going to be here later. Mathew was just leaving.." Harry said, before Draco saw a taller man come up from behind Harry, not even covering himself up. Draco recognized the man as the one he had seen before he had left.

"I wasn't leaving, Harry, we barely got started. But since you're friend is here I guess we'll have to put a stop to things." Mathew said, returning to the living room where their clothes were scattered across the floor. Draco could smell the scent of sex, of this man on Harry.

Draco now knew how Harry had felt when he had been with Blaise, and it was the most unpleasant thing ever. He had no say over what Harry did, and yet he felt like crying and punching this Mathew fellow in the face.

Draco looked out from behind the corner of the wall to see Harry mutter a cleaning spell with his wand on the couch. It may have gotten the semen off but the smell would stay for a bit. Harry had dressed into pants, where as Mathew was fully clothed now.

Mathew looked over in Draco's direction, catching Draco's grey eyes with his deep purple, and smiled cruelly. He then turned to Harry and kissed him roughly, and Draco felt horrible as he watched Harry return it then break away.

"It's time for you to go Mathew." Harry said, and Mathew's cruel smile faded to a frown.

"Harry, one of these days, you'll be begging for me to take you, and it'll be because you want to be mine, not because you want a release." the man said, and it was more a threat then anything,

"Mathew, I've told you this a thousand times. I don't love people like that. I hate relationships; it's why I stopped wanting sex, because what use is a release without emotion? I don't even understand what it is to desire someone when it's not about having an orgasm." Harry retorted, looking annoyed.

Mathew just shook his head. "You know Harry, either way, I'm the one you always go back to. Release or company, I'm always the one." Mathew got up and left Harry to flop down onto the couch and glare at his TV.

Mathew came out and smirked at Draco. Draco glared back. "You know, maybe leave him alone." Draco hissed, only to be met by a cool gaze of purple eyes.

"Why should I? I deserve to have him; I've always been there for him." Mathew said, a cocky smile upon his lips. He opened the door and with his leaving said, "Unlike someone. Good day Mr. Malfoy."

Draco heard the door click, and walked into the room where Harry was sitting on the couch. Harry looked up, green eyes looking tired. "I'm sorry about that Draco. I didn't intend for you to see any of that." Harry apologized, looking truthfully regretful.

Draco smiled, he felt hurt, and he didn't want to talk to Harry about Mathew or anything he had just seen, but he knew he had to at least answer. "It's okay. So how is that guy in bed?" Draco asked, he was curious. He'd never known Harry to give away his virginity during school. He didn't even know Harry had lost it.

"You really want to know?" Harry asked, and Draco nodded, he was curious. Harry shrugged. "He's great. But it feels so empty every time, my mind isn't stimulated. It never is. I can't explain it, it's like during sex, something's missing. I wish I knew what it was because I don't enjoy sex because of it."

Draco frowned, he couldn't help Harry there, he never had felt that. "So.. What did you two do?" Draco wasn't sure why he was asking this, he just wanted to know. Curiosity would kill this cat.

Harry sighed, not that he minded talking about this, he was surprised Draco wanted to know. "I blew him, he fucked me till I cried." Harry answered bluntly, and Draco had to stop and check himself before he moved over to Harry and made sure Harry forgot all about Mathew.

Draco sighed, he was going to have to ask this eventually. Harry never did tell him. "When did you lose your virginity, Harry?" Draco asked.

Harry looked confused for a moment, as if trying to remember. "I think it was with Alex. Friend of mine. We had a few too many drinks. I think. I can't honestly remember if it was Alex or the other guy." Harry replied, trying to search his memory for the right information.

Draco was taken aback by what Harry said. Harry had always said he was going to lose his virginity when the time was right, not throw it away to the 'other guy.' "You always said you wanted to wait for the right person." Draco said, and Harry nodded.

"Yeah I did. But Alex is a good friend, he's trustworthy. Of course he did bring that one guy in for a one night stand and that guy ended up forcing himself on me… that wasn't so smart." Harry said, sighing. He never had felt that angry about the incident.

"What?" Draco squawked. Did Harry just say..

"It wasn't rape Draco, Alex knocked the idiot out before it got to bad. I was never that responsible with who I chose for my sex partners. That's why after awhile I only did stuff with Mathew, cause at least he'd talk to me the next morning." Harry said bitterly.

To say Draco was shocked was an understatement. He'd never have thought Harry would have done that sort of stuff. The Harry he had known was a virgin and not at all one for one night stands. This Harry seemed too cold for words.

"Harry… what the hell happened to you? The Harry I knew would have never done that stuff!" Draco said, looking at Harry with horror.

Harry frowned; he'd never been asked that. No one ever asked it, although he was certain Hermione thought it. "I don't know. Once I cared, then everything stopped mattering. I can't remember anymore what stopped mattering, but it did, and whatever it was made me just want to be totally apathetic." Harry responded.

Like a blank on his mind he wasn't sure what had gone wrong, he knew something had gone wrong, but he couldn't place it. He was sure it had all started with being Draco's friend, but he had barely remembered Draco. Who was to say he could remember what went wrong while he had known Draco?

Draco sighed, looking at Harry for a few moments before saying he was going to bed. "I'm sorry again." Harry called out from his place on the couch. Draco once again replied goodnight and shut his door.

The window looked out over the street and Draco could see the lights of lamps dotted across the buildings surrounding Harry's apartment. Draco felt the tears start to rise and fall down his cheeks, and he would, if he could, blame Harry for being the cause of them.

He knew it was the thought of Harry even being touched by someone who wasn't him, and seeing that Harry didn't seem to care that anyone touched him at all. Draco sighed and closed the blinds on the window, shutting out his view on the world so he could hide his tears.

It wasn't like he had a say in who touched Harry, it wasn't like Harry was his.

* * *

Harry, on the other hand, had stayed up thinking about what was going on about Mathew. Harry had needed to be touched, wanted to be touched, but not by Mathew. He didn't want that purple gaze on his body, and it had felt odd tonight. 

It was like he wasn't really seeing Mathew, and more like using him to feel something he wanted. He knew he had been on another planet, and Mathew knew he had been elsewhere in his mind.

Harry had a feeling he and Mathew both knew Harry would never be Mathew's.

Review please -nods- Just say whatchya thought. Don't hurt me, its in the plot.


	6. Preview

Disclaimer: see first or previous chapters, I'm lazy!

A/N I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile! School/ exams are really getting in the way. I was literally for two days there having no time to do anything but write an essay for science... But now I llive! and hopefully I can get like.. two more updates done before friday is out. I need to finish a..lot of stories hehe! I'd like to thank all reviewers, and this is sorta like a semi update for this story to.. there's more that I'm working on as we speak.

* * *

Draco got up early that day, dreams of Harry and Mathew dancing in his mind. It had been the worst sleep ever. He didn't know what was wrong with Harry, but he wanted to. The Harry he knew had been buried off, carted into a Hearse and buried.

And Draco wasn't sure if he was allowed to find him underneath that black shroud of his pain filled past. It didn't seem like he was invited to know Harry's new secrets, and he hated that. Harry never had held anything from him before, but now he was.

Draco didn't want to get up, but the smell of what was distinctly morning came over him. Refreshing, cold, but just warming up. He wasn't too sure this morning smell was as sweet as it usually was, though.

Things never used to be so complicated. Seeing someone with Harry never hurt before, and now all he wanted to do was cry. He would have been glad that Harry had found someone else before, but now he only wanted to rip Mathew apart into tiny little pieces and throw him to the birds.

Draco sat up in bed, the mattress sagging a bit in the middle. Harry really didn't use this room often. Draco sighed and opened the blinds, the sun glaring into his face, not giving him the hope and joy it once did.

* * *

_Eyes, Mathew, pain, pleasure. Colours mixing into one big tapestry, sweeping up into a waterfall where he lays there, looking so beautiful. Who's he? Not too sure yet, cannot tell because it's not Mathew, Mathew doesn't have longer hair._

Almost wish it was Mathew, he's at least somewhat easy to read. This mans form is rigid, looking at the waterfall as it makes loud noises. Walking up to him, looking into his face. Seeing tears stream down the rosy coloured cheeks.

Who has rosy coloured cheeks? Remember, I know this person, I know this person…

Harry woke with a start, not realizing he'd been crying in his sleep. 'Why the hell would I be crying?' Harry looked over and saw one reason to cry, he was late for work. Not that late, but he had to get his sorry carcass moving.

Harry whipped his eyes quickly, getting up and doing what he always did: threw something on without a thought of how it looked on him. He really did need to get down to the restaurant before his boss blew a gasket.

Harry rushed out of his dark closure, plowing into Draco, with only one thought in his mind when he fell onto the floor. 'Shit I'm so LATE!' Harry looked at Draco apologetically before bringing himself to his feet and stuffing shoes onto his feet.

"I'm so sorry Draco, but I'm really, very late. I'm gonna be running to the restaurant today!" Harry said before slamming the door open and rushing out into the hall. Draco looked at the open door in a daze.

"Hmmm, I'm going to need to find out where he works." Draco said to himself, picking himself up and closing the door carefully. He smiled to himself secretly; Harry Potter didn't have a chance in hell at staying clueless by the time Draco would be done with him.

Harry raced down the sidewalks, clearly ignoring anyone discomforted, or out right cursing him as he sped past, and reached the restaurant late, oh so very late. Not enough to get him fired. He hoped.

Harry barged his way into the restaurant, running into the back to get his uniform on. The boss looked up, noticing Harry's once again late arrival. He was too busy taking orders to hobble around and yell at Harry, who incidentally also was the cause of his sprained knee.

When Harry returned, uniform and all, he met Larry McLean's very red angry face, not to mention tightening mouth that just spelled 'Harry Potter, you are in for the lecture of your life… again.'

"Mr. Potter, I've had this talk with you, I don't know what else to say. STOP BEING LATE YOU DAFT SOD! IF YOU ARE LATE ONE MORE TIME I WILL FIRE YOU!" Larry screamed, his face going redder, if at all possible. His short mousy hair flew across his face, and his lean build seemed to hunch over in fury.

"Yes Mr. McLean." Harry said, knowing this line by heart, Larry unconvinced this had hit home, just shook his head and sighed.

"Potter, I mean it this time." Larry said, sounding dead serious. Problem was Harry didn't really care, if he was stuck being a waiter he was stuck being a waiter. If he was stuck being an unemployed waiter, even better. He'd never have to get up in the morning again.

"Yes Mr. McLean." Harry responded once again, looking at his tables and assessing them in one go. He'd hate to be near table four; the girl who was sitting there looked stuck up. He was glad Marie got stuck with that one.

"Well HOP TO IT YOU LAZY TWAT." Larry screamed, and Harry looked at everyone to see if they heard this. No one was looking their way except for that blonde haired girl, who was in no way a natural blonde. The rest were regulars, in other words they knew this fight off of the back of their hands.

"Morning Harry." Mr. Taylor said, looking at his much in need of a refill coffee cup.

"Morning Randy, have a nice night with the wife?" Harry asked, not interested but he'd talk to the regulars, at least they kept him some company for sanity during the day. Harry went and grabbed a hot coffee pot from behind the counter and went to refill the coffee cup.

"Of course, nothing like the missus and the dog house." he said with a grin, to which Harry nodded understandingly, pouring the coffee into the cup. "Thank you Harry."

"Ah yes, ye olde dog house. Where men have lived in for centuries." Harry responded, not looking up when the bell on the front door of the restaurant clanged, signaling a new customer for the day. He'd let Marie get that one.

"Harry, you lazy bastard." Marie hissed as she moved across the tables to the door, greeting the newcomer. "Hello may I take your order please?"

"I'd like a cup of coffee for now please." Harry heard the voice, but wished he'd never heard it. He knew who that was: Blaise Zabini. Harry looked up, to see Blaise, some younger male, and Draco, who was staring at Harry with a smile. 'Haha, you found me.' Harry thought, not too sure why he was resentful to the fact.

'Why do I know Blaise again? Oh right, he was Draco's boyfriend… why the hell do I suddenly hate the man? God, can't control my emotions today, maybe I slept wrong.' Harry thought to himself, setting the pot back down on the back counter.

"And I'll have a biscotti please. Draco would you like a menu? They have lovely pastries here." the other male said, the one Harry didn't know. Oh they'd been here before, why the hell had he never noticed? Oh right, he never noticed anyone normally.

"Yes, a menu would be nice." Draco says. He sounds pleasant, well he always sounded pleasant but he was being so nice to her. And she's not even a witch. For some reason that's too weird to comprehend for Harry. 'Why do I always think Draco should be rude?' Harry thought.

"Harry would you get the menus out from under that box there." Marie asked, and Harry gave her a pathetic look. "Harry, I know you hate it, but like Larry said, you have to work!" Marie said, laughing at him.

"Fine, fine." Harry muttered under his breath, grabbing a few menus and stalking up to the table. He didn't want to see Draco today; he was still awkward about last night with Mathew.

"So you really are this lazy when you're working?" Draco asked, eyes mocking him and smirk laughing outright in his face. Harry glared at him.

"Draco shut up and order something to eat." Harry snapped, not sure why Zabini was smirking at him for the comment. He in truth didn't know why he said it. Actually, yes he did, but no chance in hell was he going to admit it.

"Harry, please be nice the customers, whether you know them or not. Larry'll have your head." Marie said, sauntering away to collect dirty dishes from table seven.

"One of these days I'm gonna.." Harry seethed out, only to feel a little pinch on his bottom. "AIIEEE!" Harry bellowed looking at the culprit, one very satisfied Draco Malfoy. Harry thought it was because he'd gotten Harry embarrassed, but that was only half of it. Blaise knew the whole truth, and was rolling his eyes at Draco.

"What happened?" Larry asked after rushing in, and everyone in the small restaurant was looking at him. Harry blushed, glaring at Draco, and stuttered his way out of his outburst.

"Potter, one more mistake, just one, and I will sack you arse." Larry growled before returning to the kitchen, probably to yell at the cook some more. Larry loved yelling. Harry was a good person to yell at.

"Draco, please, never do that again." Harry said, meaning pinch his ass in public. He wouldn't mind in the least.. and that's where that trail of thought ended as he kicked himself mentally and left to fetch a cup of coffee for Mr. Taylor.

Harry should have known today would be a bad day. It was so damn sunny outside.

Review, I know this chapter is.. umm.. okay I hate this chapter, it's not much of a chapter, but I got more so yeah, a little preview think of it as?


	7. Ignore the warning sign

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

A/N as promised last night, I got another update to this thing. Last chapter was rushed, and I honestly think it should be right in here with this chapter but whatever... It can stay that way cause I''m to lazy to go fix it. Yay for lazyness! Oh thankies to my reviewers :P Glad ya like it. Harry is... one tough cookie to crack and I felt it's damn well time he cracked. Hope you like it.

* * *

"So Draco, decided on what you want yet?" Blaise asked, looking at Harry Potter with curious eyes, as if testing something. Kevin was sipping his coffee slowly, Draco didn't know the guy really, but he seemed okay.

"Yes, I want the Harry I knew back right this minute so I can woo him into my bed and shag him senseless." Draco growled out, frustrated with how Harry was making a point to ignore their table by keeping busy with other things, such as pouring one guy sitting on a bar stool way too much coffee than was good for his health.

"Can't help you there, Draco. But try the raspberry Danish here, they are the best." Blaise replied, as he held up a menu and pointed to the heading 'Delicous Danishes'. Draco frowned, and doubted he'd be eating anything else anyway, better to let Blaise tell him what was good here.

"Fine, I'll order a danish, how the heck did you know Harry worked here anyways?" Draco asked, finding it very odd that when he'd called Blaise up this morning to help him find out where Harry worked, he'd known right away.

"Oh, Larry, the guy who owns the place, is always complaining about Harry. You hear 'Fucking Harry Potter' come out of Larry's mouth at least five times a day." Kevin said, setting his cup down and looking at Harry with a frown.

"Followed by 'he's such a lazy ass,' or 'he's too apathetic,' and my personal favourite 'I'm going to fire the dickhead tomorrow, I swear I will.'" Blaise added, catching Marie's attention with his hand. She motioned that she would be with them in a second while she picked up an empty coffee cup from a now deserted table.

"And Harry's still so special that he never gets fired no matter how many times he's threatened." Draco said, a bit of disgust in his voice. Blaise shrugged and Kevin shook his brown hair.

"I heard Hermione Granger talking to her little blonde friend at the office, Luna Lovegood I think it is, and the way she made it sound was that Harry's in a permanent depression, one he seems happy to be in." Blaise commented, watching Draco's reaction carefully.

Draco looked thoughtful for a minute, before Marie came over and asked, "So what can I get you?" She held a pad of paper and pen, reading to take down Draco's order.

"I'll have a raspberry danish and a glass of this tropical punch stuff." Draco responded, handing her the menu back. She nodded, taking the order while tucking the menu under her arm and moving to where Harry was sitting, seemingly doing nothing.

Draco took a closer look and noticed Harry was holding a pen and marking stuff down on a sheet of paper. He strained his hearing to hear what the girl was saying, and caught the last sentence she said. "Finally helping Lenny out, eh Harry?"

"Just because I'm doing an income statement does not mean I like him anymore." Harry said grudgingly, but Marie only laughed and went to get a danish for Draco.

'I'm going to have to figure out what the hell happened to Harry to make him so.. uncaring. That's not even the word to describe him, though! I'll help Harry, and hopefully he'll let me get close enough for one kiss, one kiss is all I ask!' Draco thought, praying to an unnamed god that he would get his one kiss from Harry Potter before he died.

* * *

Harry watched as Draco, Blaise, and the other younger man got up, leaving a tip for Marie on the table and walked out the door. Draco didn't look back at him once, which for some reason pissed Harry off.

He had to let it go, though; maybe Draco was still a little shaken up by what he'd seen with Mathew. Harry didn't know what he was going to do about Mathew, he'd given in to him and, knowing Mathew, he didn't take no for an answer easily.

Harry spent the rest of the day attempting to actually look interested in doing his work, but honestly, Harry didn't care. He didn't care if Lenny fired him, and he didn't care if he never got another job, and he didn't care if he died right now.

It wasn't like he was going to kill himself, but if it happened, he wouldn't spare it another thought.

Harry was finally done his shift at six, long after Marie had left. He worked longer then her because he needed the money, he knew he needed the money, and while he had a job he spared enough thought to how much money he needed.

Harry walked back home, glaring at the bright sun as it still hadn't set. He couldn't wait to get home, back to his darkness, back to his 'lair.' But when Harry got back to the apartment, he found his door open.

Harry inched the door open wider, looking into the apartment suspiciously. Had he been robbed? Who the hell would even try to rob him? Harry Potter, the man who killed the Dark Lord Voldemort. No it would be stupid to try and rob Harry, he did have very strong protection wards against thieves around his home.

"Draco?" Harry called out, stepping into the room to find a hand covering his mouth. Harry started to struggle, kicking and screaming, but his screaming was muffled by the strong hand.

"God damnit, Harry, I didn't mean to scare you. Could you stop clawing at me like some feral beast?" Harry sighed, and looked around to see Draco standing there, looking rather annoyed. But he did seem to be holding his ankle up a bit.

"Well, you know, a simple 'Heya Harry, it's me Draco,' the greeting most normal people would give, would have been good enough." Harry snapped back, feeling Draco deserved the bruise he'd gotten. You don't sneak up on someone like that damnit!

"We always used to do that, don't you remember?" Draco asked, sighing at how much he remembered and Harry did not.

"No, why would I remember that?" Harry asked, looking confused. It seemed like a dumb thing to do in the first place, why would he have remembered it?

"Because you found it endlessly amusing to scare the shit out of me in seventh year…" Draco said, feeling yet again hurt. Harry was such a cold fucking lunatic. Most of the things that came out of his mouth sounded apathetic, like he didn't care about anything in this small little world.

No one was there to tell Draco that it was more or less the truth. Harry was apathetic, couldn't stand being close to other people on a usual day, which was the reason Harry believed something was wrong because he wanted to be near Draco.

No one was there to tell Draco that Harry was terrified by it.

* * *

Nighttime found Harry and Draco eating on Harry's couch in front of the telly. It was what Harry always did, and Draco found it kind of funny. Harry never did anything else. Draco fidgeted in his seat, staring at the covered windows with yearning. He wanted out of this place!

Draco looked over at Harry, who was sitting in on the couch and watching the bright screen as if it was the most fascinating thing ever. He sighed, and Harry looked up. "Tired?" Harry asked, wondering who the hell could be tired at eight in the evening, he sure as hell couldn't be.

Draco looked up from the wall, staring at Harry's form, which was turned towards the telly. What the hell did he find so fascinating about the thing? "No, I want to go outside, you know? Out into the world, maybe we could take a walk?" Draco asked, hopeful Harry would go for it.

"A… walk?" Harry asked, looking skeptical. Why Harry seemed to act like the idea of a walk for enjoyment was beyond comprehension Draco didn't understand, but he'd rather go for a walk then stay in this stuffy place.

"Yeah, a walk. You know, what your feet are for?" Draco said, smirking and acting like his old sarcastic self. Harry blushed, nodding and looked at the telly mournfully. Harry ran his hand through his black hair, sighed, and got up to turn the telly off.

"You look like I'm dragging you through a swamp with a thousand and one mosquitoes in it, Harry." Draco commented, laughing as Harry scowled darkly and made a noise that sounded like 'bastard.'

"I don't… like to go out." Harry said, shuddering when he thought about leaving his beloved sanctuary, but it sounded tempting for some reason. Harry remembered going out on nights like this while he lived with the Dursleys, just to escape them. Now he tried to escape from the world and hole himself up inside his apartment.

"No shit, Harry." Draco laughed, grabbing his coat and putting it on quickly. He was eager to get out, and was practically jumping for joy while Harry, who had tagged behind him, was disgruntled.

"Some people skip, some people run, some people even jump, Draco. I, I like to sit on my arse." Harry said, locking his apartment door. The turned down the hall and walked to the elevator, getting in slowly.

Once out of the building, Harry looked towards the park just a few buildings away. "I'm guessing you'd like to go down through the park?" Harry said, and Draco nodded gleefully. He was outside in the fresh air!

"At least someone's happy about this." Harry grumbled, only to have his hand taken and be dragged down to the park's gates. Harry usually didn't care who touched him, but Draco touching him felt weird. Like it was, and wasn't supposed to happen.

Draco was a few steps ahead of Harry, looking at the path and greenery while pulling Harry along, secretly enjoying an excuse to hold Harry's hand or wrist; whatever, they both applied!

They walked down the paved sidewalk, the wet grass still smelling of the water that the sprinklers had doused it in earlier that day. Draco was breathing in the fresh air happily, Harry was trying to ward of bugs with slaps and flicks of his fast fingers.

The sky seemed darker then normal, and though they couldn't hear thunder, they knew dark clouds were above them. It was humid enough for rain to start falling, but they both had not heard a forecast for it so they ignored the telltale signs of when rain is on its way.

Harry finally protested that they stop, even though the lamps were lighting the pathway and they could go on through the peaceful park. Harry wasn't the type to be able to walk for very long without deciding to fall down onto a bench, or if need be, the ground.

Well there hadn't been a bench around, so Harry resorted to huffing and puffing on the cool grass, laying down and looking up at the inky blue sky. Draco sat down beside him. Unlike Harry, Draco didn't fall to the ground in one fluent motion; he sat down gracefully and watched where the heck he was landing.

"So, Harry, what do you usually do for fun?" Draco asked, and Harry caught his breath a little more before answering.

"Uh, I hang out with Alex or Mathew sometimes. I used to get piss drunk with Alex before I realized what a total waste of my life that was." Harry responded, and Draco got the impression Harry had talked, or been lectured, by Hermione on that one.

"Hermione, eh?" Draco knew all he had to do was say the word, and Harry was bursting out laughing. Draco was admiring Harry's hands, staring at them happily. He was listening to Harry, but he was also staring at his friend with an appreciative gaze.

"Oh you have no idea! She's like a rabid dog, only she's good for you!" Harry said, and Draco snorted at that analogy. Hermione probably should never be allowed to hear that one though.

"I'll agree with you on that one. We were never great friends, but we tolerated each other…" Draco said, smiling at Harry who was shrugging. Draco had never been friends with Harry's friends, but at least they didn't attempt to kill each other painfully.

"Doesn't matter. " Harry replied, staring up at the sky again, laying down on the damp grass.

"No, no it doesn't." Draco replied, sitting down with his hands in-between his thighs.

They sat there, talking about random things as Harry slapped his skin angrily, not noticing the bugs were only going after him.

"You know, all you need to do is cast a charm to repel the bugs away Harry." Draco pointed out, getting annoyed with Harry's constant swearing. You would think a great wizard would remember that bloody spell!

"Oh, right…" Harry said, blushing as he remembered the spell and picked his wand out of his pocket where he kept it, just in case he ever needed it.

"Repello pests" Harry whispered, tapping his wand on his arm two times. After a few minutes Harry noticed the difference, the bugs had left him alone. This spell worked better then bug spray and Harry had forgotten about it! He really had to start using his wand more again.

Harry looked over at Draco, who was staring at the bushes with interest, and it gave Harry time to speculate at how nice Draco's body really was. Even though he knew those were dangerous thoughts to think, he couldn't help himself. He was human after all right?

Harry started to shiver and felt it was time to go back, thinking it rather odd how fast the air suddenly cooled off. "Can we go back now? I've had enough of the outdoors." Harry said, getting up and dusting his pants off of the grass that had gotten stuck onto the material.

"This is a park, Harry! God, what the hell would you be like in woods of some kind?" Draco asked, dreading the thought. Harry had never been so dependant on technology before, Draco swore Harry had been taken by aliens and replaced by someone else.

"Oh I went on a camping trip with Ron and his brothers a summer back, and it was horrible. I'll never go on one again; there is absolutely nothing to do!" Harry cried, and Draco raised his eyebrows.

"There's a lot to do! Like exploring trails, swimming, biking…" Draco named off all the things he liked to do, and it was weird, because when Draco was younger he'd never had enjoyed camping. Ever.

"Well good for you and your outdoorsy ways. But I, I'll stick in my lovely dark apartment where the sun don't shine!" Harry replied, walking away from where they had stopped and back to the apartment.

"Harry, Harry wait up!" Draco called and ran off to follow the black figure walking to the gates of the park.

* * *

The door opened after being unlocked, and two soaked men came rushing into the warm apartment. "Exactly why I hate the outdoors, I'm freezing!" Harry grumbled, taking off his coat and walking towards his room, pulling off his shirt.

Draco's eyes followed Harry's moves, and he hoped Harry wouldn't see him looking. Harry hair was matted and wet, the pants clung to him with vengeance, and his back was soaked with water droplets.

Draco even forgot that he too was soaking wet and everything was clinging to him horribly as well. Harry turned around and raised a dark eyebrow in his direction, looking at Draco's wet clothes.

"Take of your clothes, Draco, you're soaking wet. I'll hang them up in the bathroom." Harry said, pulling a leg out of his pants and fumbling with the other one. It was hard because the material seemed to want to stick to Harry's leg, and not let go.

Draco wasn't going to take off all his clothes, now that would be a little embarrassing to do in front of Harry, but he took off his shirt and pants easily enough, and handed them to Harry.

Harry took the clothes in his hands and went into the bathroom in nothing but his boxers and hung up the soaked clothes. Draco was watching Harry hang the clothes, and noticed he was a little too short to get them all the way up. "Need help there, Harry?" Draco asked, smirking.

"Shut up you! And yes I do.. damn I hate being short. How come you're tall and I'm not?" Harry complained, but Draco shook his blonde hair, flinging water droplets around onto the floor and walls.

"At least I'm not like Ronald Weasley. Now there is a guy way too tall for his own bloody good." Draco said, taking the clothes from Harry and draping them with ease over the shower curtain rod.

Harry laughed, and bumped into Draco as he was trying to get out of the bathroom and put some dry clothes on. Draco turned around quickly, aiming to seemingly lose his balance, even though he was actually placing his feet very carefully.

Draco fell on top of Harry, causing them to crash to ground. Draco tried to act innocent, tried to mask his face with shock, and inside he was hoping Harry wouldn't run this time. Harry's mind was strictly in chaos mode though. Harry's green eyes stared up at him, not telling what he felt.

Draco stared back at Harry, leaning forward towards Harry's mouth, and couldn't imagine his luck when Harry didn't pull away. Hopefully Harry would stay in the state of pleasant shock and he would forget that they were 'friends' for a few minutes.

Harry's lips grazed Draco's, Draco forced his lips down on Harry's a little bit more and they had a tentative kiss. Harry grazed his lips around Draco's bottom one and sucked, realizing he was doing this, and he shouldn't be doing this. It would end up like it always did, hurting him.

And Harry, being the stupid idiot again, ignored this voice of reason and let Draco wrap his arms around him and kiss him more forcefully on his bathroom floor. Harry let down his walls, something he never forgot to do, especially when dealing with emotions.

Harry didn't know it, but he was letting someone in that he had let in a long time ago. His forgotten emotion, or lost love.

* * *

Okay, I tried to make Draco as cunning as he can be... First draft it was so damn cliche it made even me weep at how bad it was. Hope this better -nods- And review! Like it? Hate it? I don't care just lemme know. 


	8. Love Apathy

Dislcaimer: Harry Potter Book'saint mine, nor are the movies, or anything that can make money.all I own is the plot, kinda, sorta.

A/N I'm trying to finish up my stories, so I'm gonna strive for an update everynight.readers are you not lucky? Oh I got a few reviews with questions, so I'll answer em :P I cannot say how much I enjoy reading your reviews, so do keep giving em. I think it also sparks me non exsistent ego and causes more updates.

**_WARNING:_** I got a bit graphic, if you don't want to read that, all you do is scroll down to the end of the scene. It won't hurt the story in the least, I promise.

**AmethystAquamarine **Oh Harry's going to be remembering quite a lot. He's already starting to. mwhahaha, yeah sorry I love torturing characters. Actually I noticed, your right, not many people show Harry as apathetic, and I find that odd. I think Draco's the more emotional character.

**.fefs** Yes officially you are a good updater :P so I'll reward you with a few answers! Harry won't remember everything just yet, but as you read this chapter, you'll see, he's starting to. (we fear for Draco when he finally remembers everything)I think you also asked why Draco came back? I think I explained it in the story but if it wasn't clear; he decided it was time to come home, and yes, he does like Harry back now, I think I explained it already but Draco did always like Harry, he just... wasn't willing to take a chance on him because he was afraid that they'd stop being friends if they ever did brake up. Of course we'd never have that happen lol.

Oki, that done, onto the story.

* * *

Draco was amazed, Harry hadn't shoved him away yet. He wondered how far he could go until Harry freaked, and Draco wasn't even sure if Harry would freak out. Harry moaned into Draco's mouth, biting down on Draco's bottom lip for a second time. 

Draco started to grind up against the other man, watching for Harry's reaction. Harry moaned again, untangling his legs from under Draco's and wrapping them around him. Draco's bare chest rubbed up against Harry's and he could feel the sweat starting to form as Harry and he kissed.

Draco didn't care if all they were doing was rubbing up against each other, it was good enough for now. Harry couldn't really think of what else to do other then going along with the whole thing; it felt good so keep it up, right?

Harry reached down with his hand and squeezed Draco's bottom, kissing him hard again before pulling his head away to breathe. Draco kept up the rhythm, rolling his hips around so they had good hard contact.

Neither stopped what they were doing to try something different: one unsure of what would happen if he tried to go further, the other completely forgetting he even had boxers on and that it wasn't a part of his body.

More kissing and a few touches later, they'd reached their climax on the wet bathroom floor, both moaning out their pleasure. Draco, still on top of Harry, clung to him as he came down, the pleasure stopping as quickly as it came.

Harry felt like a bag of bones with no muscle to move, his arms fell down around him as if they weighed a thousand pounds. He was sweaty and wetter then he had been after the rain, and that was saying something. Draco didn't seem to be smothered in the sweat Harry was.

Harry just looked up at the ceiling as Draco moved off of him, staring at Harry for some sort of reaction. He held his breath hoping Harry wouldn't kill him, and take it for a random act that just... happened. Even though Draco kind of started it.

Draco watched as Harry stared at his ceiling, not knowing what was going to happen. He couldn't read minds, and right now Draco wished he could. Harry finally turned his head around, and gave a weak smile, his wet hair sticking to his scalp, green eyes saying volumes.

"So, am I better then Blaise?" Harry asked, and Draco thought one thing. 'What the fuck?'

* * *

After Harry had come down from his rush, he'd gotten one little tidbit of information from his blasted subconscious. He remembered having a crush on Draco and hating the fact Draco was sexually active every single night with Blaise Zabini. Harry didn't know how he'd forgotten that, but he had.

Harry lay down thinking it over, knowing he was going to have to break the ice. So he asked it, a question he was thinking. Harry wasn't too sure if the reason he acted the way he did had been started by the man beside him, but it sure as hell would explain his anger with Zabini when he saw him and Draco at the restaurant.

"Better then Blaise?" Draco asked, looking genuinely confused. Okay, maybe he hadn't started Harry's apathetic ways, but this was a little bit of teenage angst Harry had completely blocked out of his mind, and that in itself was something to wonder about.

"Yeah, Blaise Zabini, you did date him at one point didn't you?" Harry responded. His words were not spiteful, more like a statement. It was the weirdest after sex conversation Draco had ever had.

"Yes… but that's been over for about three years. What does that have to do with what just happened?" Draco asked, feeling snappy, as if Harry was trying to get something out of him.

"Nothing, just asking if I'm better. I could really care less, though." Harry said, looking at Draco wonderingly. What the hell had the man been expecting from him? What did people usually say after this stuff happened? Mathew and Harry fought, and his other bed partners said "See ya around."

Harry doubted a 'see ya around' would go very well with Draco right now. Draco wanted to throttle Harry. What the hell was he trying pull? Draco knew Harry had liked him while he was dating Blaise, was he trying to get back at him? Draco honestly didn't know what to think.

Draco stood up, glaring at Harry. Harry looked up, staring at Draco who was glaring at him with hurt in his grey eyes. "What the fuck, Harry, do you always say something stupid and hurtful? If you're really interested, I don't know who's better. I don't care either, I like you, you idiot!" Draco snapped.

Draco got up off of the wet floor, his feet slapping as he rushed to get away from Harry and slammed his door tight. Harry watched Draco go in a flash of blonde hair, and looked back up at the ceiling.

Harry's green eyes closed to the world as he thought about what Draco had just told him, digesting it slowly. Harry's red lips opened, and he whispered to the wet dripping clothes, "What else could I have said?"

* * *

Draco sat on his bed, pulling on a new pair of boxers as the others had been…soiled. He hopped into the cold bed, willing himself not to scream, not to rant, and then break down and cry.

Was this how Harry had felt when he'd been with Blaise? Draco doubted it. Harry had seemed a little put out, but he'd never been nasty about it. Was he being nasty now? Or was he just so thick he didn't know what to say after some guy is kissing him to hell and back and gives him an orgasm?

Draco didn't know if he wanted to find out, right now he was fucking hurt. He was going to hex Harry, or, or do something!

* * *

Harry was still on the bathroom floor ten minutes after Draco had stormed off, still debating whether or not to just leave Draco alone and let him cool off or go into his guest room and say he was sorry for whatever he did.

Harry finally worked up the courage to get up, ignoring the fact his feet were stepping in water and he was getting his carpet wet when he left the bathroom. He felt his feet get less wet as he walked over to his guest room, and knocked on the door.

"Go away!" he heard Draco's muffled reply, and frowned. He couldn't have said something that bad could he have? Harry shrugged and opened the door, stepping in cautiously.

"Draco?" Harry asked, hoping he wouldn't get anything thrown at him. Mathew liked to do that: throw pillows, or something heavy that would cause more damage to Harry when he told him to get out of his apartment.

"What?" Draco asked, sounding pissed off, very pissed off. Harry gulped, and walked a little closer, afraid to get to close. He didn't want the man upset at him for some reason, usually he couldn't be pissed to care if he hurt someone, but he did right now.

"Uh… Listen. I'm sorry." Harry said, wondering what exactly he was sorry for, but he was sorry. He hadn't been truly sorry since Hermione socked him because he refused to help some little girl find her way around the apartment. Harry still felt it hadn't been his problem she'd lost her way around the place.

"Oh, are you? Well good for you Mr. Hero. If you think you can just waltz in here and say your sorry and have me just accept it like anyone else would, you've got another thing coming." Draco growled, stuffing a pillow over his head.

"I said I'm sorry, god damnit! What more do you want from me? No one else but you seems to give a shit that I'm a little rude. Well, Hermione does but even she's given up on it. Now she sticks to my bloody diet and makes sure I'm eating regularly." Harry said, glaring at Draco. God that man was impossible!

Draco shot up, and looked at Harry's form in the dark room. "I'll let you know why, Harry Potter, it hurts me when you're rude. If you hadn't noticed, I like you, as in attraction. I missed you, and when I came back I hoped…" Draco said, then shook his head and sat back down. "It doesn't matter."

Harry looked at Draco, then out the window and noticed Draco actually had the blinds open. "You have the blinds open." Harry said, completely changing the subject and even further pissing Draco off. Didn't he even hear what Draco had said?

Harry walked up to Draco's bed and sat down on it, ignoring the cold glare he was getting from the blonde. "Yeah it's called seeing the world." Draco snapped again, feeling rater annoyed that he was being completely ignored.

"I see the world." Harry said, looking out of the window and frowning. "I just could care less if I'm in it." Harry said truthfully, he'd felt like that for so long, never suicidal, he didn't want to die, he just didn't want to feel. It wasn't that hard, not feeling.

It seemed to be the feeling that was hard.

* * *

Draco looked at his blankets, curling his feet up in them. Harry still hadn't left, and Draco was starting to calm down now. "I see you in the world, and you're cold." Draco said. And Draco hated the fact Harry was so cold.

Harry looked back at Draco, and he could see a black mass of hair, as the lights from the street illuminated Harry's skin a bit, but didn't quite reach his bright green eyes. "Ever thought that maybe I'm happy being cold?" Harry asked.

Draco shook his head, he hadn't. "You weren't always so cold, though." Draco whispered, looking down at his blankets and feeling very small. Harry laid down on the bed and closed his eyes, feeling his mind start to drift off, forgetting he wasn't in his own bed.

The rain was still coming down outside, but it had turned into small spittle, leaving only raindrops covering the windows. Harry breathed in and out, and before falling asleep he said, in a sort of mumbled way, "Night." Then he was lost to the world.

Draco stared at the boy who had fallen asleep on the bed, and uncurled his toes, laying down beside Harry, staring at him as the other slept. Draco felt a slight ache in his chest, and wasn't sure what was worse. The fact he'd been given a taste of Harry and wanted more, or the fact he didn't know how Harry felt about him.

Draco was sure Harry was going to drive him insane. Yet he'd still try, he wanted Harry, even if it killed him. Which it probably would.

* * *

Harry woke up that morning to the sun, yes the sun, streaming down on his face. Harry groaned and made a grab for the pillow beside him, stealing it from under his bed partner's head and covering his own with it.

Harry took awhile to realize it, but after a startled cry, he was fully awake and realized he'd slept on Draco's bed that night. "Shit, sorry. I fell asleep on here, I don't usually…" Harry was saying before a sleepy eyed Draco shook his head, and slung his arms around Harry's waist.

"S'ok." Draco said, pulling Harry closer to him. Draco was still tired, and still wanted to go back to his dreams, whatever he had been dreaming, he knew it had been good. He wanted to complete it.

Harry didn't say anything, just lay beside Draco thinking. Harry searched his thoughts for memories about Draco and Zabini. Draco was sleeping again by the time Harry hit on a memory that made him all but hate the blonde who was holding him so tightly right now.

_"Draco, why are you going?"_

_"I want to see the world, Harry."_

_"But, what about me…"_

_"You're a great friend, and I'll miss you."_

_"Sure you will."_

Harry remembered it, feeling so pissed off that he meant so little to Draco. So if he had meant so little, why the fuck was Draco hugging him like he was Harry his teddy bear? Harry found he couldn't care, though, what did it matter in the end? Draco would leave, and then these pesky emotions, like the urge to jump Draco, would leave.

Harry wasn't sure if he was happy, or pissed off about that. And another part of his mind told him to forget about it all, like he always did. 'Not too sure if this time I can just forget about it.' Harry thought, deciding to finally pry himself out of Draco grasp.

It proved difficult, Draco had a hard grip, and Harry never did manage to get out of it until Draco woke up. An hour after Harry had woken up.

Review! I hate the chapter with a passion, I don't know why x.x Oh well, we don't always love our work.


	9. Drunken Feelings, or Prelude to Disaster

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N okay I know it's been ahwile since I updated this one but it was hard! If you want faster updates you can give me ideas! lol no no I like writting for you guys.. anyways.. this chapter is kinda odd because I haven't written this story in so long so I can only hope it meets expectations!

thanks to **lovemehatemejustdon'tfearme**, **myniephoenix**, **Elektra107**, **fudgebaby**, **Shinigami **umm I'm not worrying about STD's for this ficbut you ask some good questions that will be answered in due time, **theTigersFire**, **Fefs** I would never make Harry be happy right away with this story, I've made that mistake before >. Never again! Oh no, we have lots of angst in store for us! hehe, **AmethystAquamarine**, **Goldensong**, **emma**, and **chaeli.meep.** for reviewing, I love you all :P your all great!

* * *

_"Harry?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I know that was your first time, are you okay?"_

_"Yeah… a little sore, umm Alex?"_

_"What?"_

_"Could you get off of me?"_

_"Sure."_

* * *

Harry was busy shuffling through the pile of clothes in his room when he suddenly thought of, no remembered, his first time with Alex. It had been an easy fuck, Alex and he had gone back to Alex's place from a party and were both hormonal. 

Harry allowed Alex to take him, hardly caring that it was his first time, as far as he had been concerned what the hell was the hype about having your first time with someone you loved? It wasn't like he didn't trust Alex, and for Harry, trust was all he had for people now.

After Harry craved that release because it felt so good, he had to admit he became addicted to sex, and then slowly it became less wonderful, more of something he did when he was bored, it wasn't anything special after awhile.

Harry hadn't longed for anyone, anyone at all, until Draco decided to show his big blonde head around his apartment again, saying how he liked Harry, but Harry couldn't believe it. There had been no feelings for Harry before, why the hell should he have them now?

Harry felt Draco's visit was running near its end, or the way it was going, Harry would go insane from remembering things he wanted to forget.

* * *

Draco was sitting on Harry's floor nearby the couch; he vowed never to sit on that couch again after what had happened on it, because he hadn't been doing it with Harry on that couch. 

The phone started to ring and Harry came running out of his room, half dressed, to pick it up. "Hello?" Harry said into the muggle machine.

"Oh Alex, hey. Umm tonight? I would but I have a friend staying over… Oh? Oh alright. Yeah see you at seven." Harry said, and put down the receive looking at Draco with annoyance.

"How would you like to go with me and Alex to a club tonight at seven? Or do you have plans?" Harry asked him and Draco wondered why Harry looked crabby about it.

"No… Uh, I mean sure, I'll go." Draco said, blushing at how he'd stumbled over his thoughts, too busy concerning himself with Harry's mood.

"Okay, just if Mathew's there… ignore him." Harry told Draco, heading back to his room to finish dressing.

"He'll be there?" Draco cried, feeling angry that Mathew would be anywhere near Harry, and if he so much as did one thing to touch Harry, he'd probably kill the man.

"Might be, I don't really know. But if he is… save me from him, okay?" Harry called back from his room, laughing at what he'd said. Draco smiled and yelled back at Harry, "SURE THING!" Draco could do better then save Harry from Mathew, he could do much, much better.

* * *

Draco walked with Harry into the club 'Midnight Lights,' it really was a good name for the place. Lights flashed around him and the music rushed through his body, pumping in his ears. 

Harry looked back at him, smiling somewhat halfheartedly as they walked to one of the staircases leading up to the top floor which seemed to hold more tables for those who didn't want to dance, yet.

Harry had dressed in clothes that, well, didn't look too inviting to the normal person, Draco would think. He wore a black top that covered his whole torso and arms, with straps crisscrossing at the back, and had various silver buttons on the arms and the back of the article of clothing. Harry's hands were semi covered with the black top as it had a whole for him to stick his thumb in through the sleeves.

His pants were even weirder: they were big and baggy, and Draco wondered how Harry was walking in them, as they might have tripped him a few times on the walk here. Chains crisscrossed as well down the pants legs and Harry would play with them as they walked, wrapping one around his wrist every so often.

Draco also kept forgetting Harry had also put a collar with spikes pointing out on to decorate his neck, if decorating is what you could call it. Draco himself had settled for something simple, dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt that showed off his form nicely.

Once they climbed the stairs slowly, Harry searched the tables before he got a look of recollection and started to walk towards one in a corner. Four men sat there with drinks in their hands, sipping them as they talked loudly over the music. One looked up at shouted at them, grinning madly.

"Hiya Harry! Get your lazy arse over here and have a beer or something!" the man said, and Draco got the distinct impression that this guy was cheery enough to scare anyone out of their pants. But when he smiled, Harry got a small smile on his face and nodded at the four men before sliding into the booth in the corner beside the man.

The rest of the men looked up at Harry and smiled at him, all shouting 'Hi Harry' over the blaring music. Harry looked nervous at first as he sat down, but he seemed to gain confidence suddenly and started shouting his greetings back. "Hey Alex!" Harry cried as the man took him in a hug, Harry's chains jingling and clanging on the table.

Draco watched and felt a flash of jealousy shoot through his mind, he and Harry used to have that sort of relationship but now… it was odd to be around each other. He wanted Harry's attention to be on him solely and right now everyone at the table was staring at him except for Harry.

As Harry got out of the man's embrace, Draco took the time to look at the others around him. The one who Harry had called Alex was tall enough, had dark brown wavy hair and a square jaw. He also had a very brilliant smile that seemed to radiate happiness, and Draco wondered what the hell Harry was doing hanging out with him.

Harry had a light smile on now, he looked happy because of being with this Alex man, and Draco was ready to be as rude as he could to these men for making Harry cheery because that was something he could not do anymore.

Harry cleared his throat and sat up in the booth, smiling up at Draco and patting the seat beside him. "Sorry Draco, okay everyone this is Draco." Harry said as Draco sat down in the booth, flashing everyone a smile with his white teeth. The men looked at him with curiosity, and seemed to accept him as quickly as they had met him.

"This is Alex." Harry said, gesturing to the man beside him, "That's John, Taylor, and Will." Harry said nodding to each of the men in a row. John had blonde hair and a dark tan, Taylor was small and mousy looking, and Will had dark blue eyes that seemed to try to capture one with their colour.

"Hello." Draco said smoothly, trying to be as friendly as he could be. Everyone but Alex greeted him again, and Draco could tell Alex was staring at him with a dangerous look in his eyes. Draco didn't know why, but Alex looked and acted as if he hated Draco, without ever having met him before.

Harry settled down once he and Draco had ordered drinks, taking big gulps of his beer. "Is Mathew going to be coming today?" Harry asked, and all four said no simultaneously.

"No, he said he met someone new, that guy has no idea of what it is like to be in love. He goes from one person to the next bloody person." John said, and Harry laughed raising his bottle up.

"I'll drink to that." Harry said and the entire table raised their bottles as well, the dark glass gleaming in the many flashing bright lights almost blinding Draco.

"So, how do you two know each other?" Will asked him, watching Draco with his blue eyes. Draco wondered if it was possible to feel more unnerved by eyes like that, it was as if this Will guy could see into his mind and know exactly what he was thinking. That was impossible of course as Draco's aunt Bella had taught him legilimency and how to block people out.

"They knew each other from school." Alex said sharply, looking darkly at Draco. Draco started to feel very uncomfortable under Alex's stare. Harry looked up surprised that Alex knew that.

"How'd you know that Alex?" Harry asked, and the three men across from them looked at Alex.

"Harry, when you're drunk, you say interesting stuff." Alex replied for explanations, and if Harry looked confused it was worse then how Draco felt. Draco wondered what Alex knew, and if he knew why Harry had changed into what he was now.

Harry shrugged off the comment, and the table's conversations turned to things that were totally irrelevant to Draco, like relationships and such. Draco did find out that John was straight, Will, Taylor, and Alex were all bisexual, and Harry and Draco were the only gay guys at the table.

Soon the conversation died down and Alex got up, pulling Taylor along with him to the dance floor, and John and Will walked off to find partners. Harry and Draco were left at the table, drinking beer, and talking to each other about the people Draco had just met.

"Okay Alex and Taylor have a weird relationship, they're all over each other one day then the next day they're pissed off as hell at the other. It's your own personal soap opera!" Harry joked, as he downed the last of his second beer.

"I need another drink, come on Draco lets go get another drink!" Harry said and Draco could tell Harry did not hold his liquor well at all. After they bought Harry, not Draco, another drink Harry got even more giddy and started to flirt with Draco.

"Come on Draco, lets go dance!" He said giddly, grabbing Draco's hand and pulling him down the stairs to the dance floor. Draco looked around at the other couples and noticed it was all different, some straight, some gay, some lesbian, and he decided it didn't much matter as they all seemed to be having a good time.

Harry kept brushing up against him, trying to get him excited, and Draco wondered how he could safely get out of this place without being attacked by Harry. 'When did it change from me seducing him to me being seduced?' Draco thought as Harry winked at him very sexily, his collar shining in the lights.

Harry hauled himself up on his tipy toes and whispered in Draco's ears "Draco, lets go back to my place… please?" Harry asked, wrapping his hand into Draco's and pulling him closer to the door, and that's when Draco had realized that Harry's plan the whole time he'd been drunk was to get him out of here and into his bed.

Draco found he couldn't help but let Harry drag him out of Midnight Lights and into his dark room.

* * *

"Taylor, did you see Harry go out with Draco?" Alex said, looking worried as they sat back down in the booth they'd occupied earlier, to find Harry and Draco gone. 

Taylor shook his head, frowning at the empty beer bottles that littered the table. "Alex…. What's going on with Harry?" He asked, looking jealous.

Alex laughed at his lovers face, enraging him more. "It's not like that Taylor you idiot." Alex picked his lover up and dropped him into his lap, "Harry, when he's drunk, he gets emotional about some guy called Draco. It's as if when he's drunk it's okay to feel loss of someone." Alex explained.

" I thought I recognized the name Draco…" Taylor replied.

"Yeah well, from what Harry's said in his drunk talks, he's still in love with Draco… somehow, and I just don't want Harry to get hurt again." Alex said, looking upset at the many beer bottles that were probably Harry's, meaning he was very drunk.

"Hurt again?" Taylor asked, looking at Alex with concern.

"Harry said Draco never loved him, and never would. He also told me Draco left him, I don't think it's a good idea for him to be drunk around this Draco fellow now do you?" Alex said and Taylor shook his head.

"Should we go and find him?" Taylor asked, but Alex just sighed and shook his head.

"No point, we'll find out what happens tomorrow. When Harry's sober he's tough." Alex replied, picking up one of the beer bottles that were half empty and took a gulp from it, secretly praying that Harry wasn't going to do anything stupid.

Taylor sighed, stole the beer bottle from Alex and took a swig from it. "Well it's been awhile, maybe Harry stopped loving him, he seemed normal around him earlier." Taylor said before Will cam running up the stairs and slid into the booth.

"You two should have seen Harry earlier before he left, he totally seduced that Draco fellow!" Will said, laughing in a half drunken daze. Taylor gulped and eyed Alex, who seemed to be steaming inside.

'So much for Harry not wanting Draco still.' Taylor thought to himself, knowing that a drunk Harry was a sex bomb Harry, meaning anyone Harry seduced while he was drunk was in for a very interesting night.

"What's wrong with you two?" Will asked, seeing his friend were sort of mellow when he told them about Harry's seducing, he hadn't seduced someone in months!

"Nothing" Taylor said, knowing Alex was thinking about what Harry's sudden interest in sex again and hat it had to do with this Draco fellow.

* * *

Draco was pushed through Harry's apartment and shoved into his bedroom. The bedroom was dark and gloomy, but Harry seemed happy. Harry roughly shoved Draco into the bed, and started to kiss him, wrapping his hands around Draco's neck. 

Draco felt Harry was being to rough with him, it wasn't what he wanted from Harry. Draco didn't want this rough sex Harry was starting engage him in, and he knew when Harry ripped off his t-shirt that they had to stop this.

"Harry, stop it." Draco said, sitting up, and Harry stared at him looking hurt.

"Why?" Harry asked, starting to take his own top off and ignoring Draco's order.

"Because you're drunk." Draco replied, trying to slap Harry's hands away from his fly.

"Oh come on, you know you want this." Harry replied and succeeded in pushing Draco back down on his bed and pulling his jeans right off him. Harry then shed his pants and boxers, pulling down Draco's own boxers and smiling at how much Draco did want this.

"See you want this." Harry said stupidly, as he started to stroke Draco's erection with his hands. Draco stared at Harry and wondered who was taking advantage of whom here, but he didn't want to face Harry in the morning, when he had his senses back.

"Harry, what happens when you wake up?" Draco asked and Harry looked at him, anger flashing in his green eyes. Draco knew Harry would be unemotional about this tomorrow, probably. He may be nice and happy while he was drunk, but tomorrow he'd be greeted with what Harry usually was like. He wanted Harry, not a drunk Harry.

"What, you don't want me? Is it me? Why am I not good enough!" Harry growled out, getting up and pushing Draco down again, kissing him roughly again. "I can be good enough Draco, let me… you never let me!" Harry whined and Draco wondered what the hell was wrong with Harry.

"It's not that Harry, you're great bu—" Draco was about to say something, but that was all Harry had to hear. He covered Draco's mouth with his own and went back to stroking Draco's cock. Harry looked into Draco's eyes and smirked at him, his eyes gleaming with an emotion Draco hadn't seen in them for a long time.

"Well then Draco, shut up and fuck me." Harry said, no ordered, and Draco knew at that moment Harry wasn't taking no for an answer. What else could he do then comply to Harry's demands?

Review! I could have gotten more graphic but I dunno, didn't feel like it today, maybe next update or something o.O I know it's been awhile just.. muse hates me!( blame it on the muse... eh sleeping?) Shut up you stupid voice! -coughs- ahem.


	10. You're Not

Discalimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N I do have a longer chapter, but I decided not to make you wait for another night cause I probably wouldn't have finished it by tonight if I did not break it up. **So, I hope the begining of this little update does not confuse you... and if it does **Harry whispers something to Draco and Draco does not hear it. Anyways, watch out for le next update! Also, thanx to my beta reader :P You're awesome man!

Thanks to **AmethystAquamarine** Oh yes, Draco is in trouble xD Harry's in a lot more though mwhaha!

**Pink Cherry Blossom **Wow long review o.O thank you very much for it and I hope I can keep you enthralled :P

**theTigersFire** Well this chapter is kind of light.. Harry admits he likes Draco only he's still an idiot.

**Fefs **I didn't mean to be gone for so long, it was the muse, the muse I tell you! well I'm back now >:) hehe

**chaeli.meep.** well umm, it'll be awhile till it gets better, I'm sorry to say that x.x

**lovemehatemejustdon'tfearme** hehe I don't mind, glad you liked it xD I was actually considering haveing Alex walk in on them or something... but eh you'll see :P

**Shadow315 **lol the update I needed to get up!

**myniephoenix**Draco won't fix Harry right away, slowlyje will though, Doctor Draco will come into play! o.O

**kozie** I love drunk Harry too! hehe

and **Paddycakepadfoot** Harry's not gonna break down just yet.. but it's gonna happen really soon.for reviwing, Much loves goes out to all of you! (Sorry I had something toreply too everyone of you wonderful reviews! here's the chapter now!)

* * *

**_"Draco… fuck Draco"_**

**_"Harry, bloody hell…"_**

**_"Harder, please, please just.. goddamnit!"_**

**_"Shhh."_**

**_"Draco.. I… I… Nurrrgh."_**

**_"Yesss."_**

_**"DRACO!"** " I love you."_

**_"What did you say? Harry?"_**

**_"Mmm…"_**

**_"Harry? Please, please don't fall asleep… Harry!"_**

**_"…"_**

**_"Harry…"_**

* * *

Harry opened his eyes to find himself lying on his stomach with warm blankets draped around his body unevenly, creating cold drafts from the air in his room around his naked body. As his mind started to wake up however, he realized it was not blankets, but a person on him because the person was very heavy. 

As he became more aware of the world around him he realized they must have fallen asleep during the act or right after the act of sex because the other's member was still buried deep inside him. This same thing had happened to him many times before when he was drunk, so he wasn't freaking out as much as he had the first time it happened.

Harry lay still, not wanting to wake them up, as he thought about who the hell was lying on top of him. Drunken images floated to him of Draco… Draco on a dance floor as Harry brushed up against him suggestively, smiling as he shoved Draco on the bed roughly, Draco taking him from behind as he screamed out for more.

Harry moved his head to see if it really was Draco and not his imagination making it up, though why he would imagine seducing Draco he couldn't explain. Tilting his head off of the pillow a rather nice sight met his eyes, he had to admit that.

Draco was lying on top of him, breathing in and out softly. His blonde hair flew around his face and half covered his closed eyelids, while his arms were flung around Harry's body limply.

But as nice of an image as he made sleeping, his lungs were protesting for more air, so he moved to the side and tried to fling Draco's body off of his own. It didn't work out too well as Draco was more heavy then he seemed to be able to lift so he only managed in trapping himself, torso half turned, uncomfortably under Draco.

Draco, startled awake from the sudden look, opened his eyes quickly and stared into Harry's green emeralds. There was an awkward, very uncomfortable stifled silence between the two men. Harry was unsure what to say in this situation, Draco worried that Harry would freak out on him.

"Draco, you need to get off me. I can't breathe." Harry said, gasping for more air, closing his eyes again as his head started to pound with pain. Didn't he swear off drinking? Why the hell had he been drinking anyways?

"Uh-Uh, right." Draco said numbly, the look of nervous confusion settling on his face. He moved to get up off of Harry, but as soon as he moved his hips Harry hissed in pain. "What?" he said worriedly.

"We didn't use lube last night?" Harry hissed out, looking angry. His arse felt like it was burning as Draco pulled slightly out of him, he couldn't believe that he let someone fuck him without using lube!

Draco shook his head, blushing at how he forgot about that one little thing. "No…" he said, not to sure how to explain this to a sober Harry.

"Why the hell not? It's bad enough I got a hang over, now I'm going to have a sore arse for the next few days!" Harry exclaimed, wincing as Draco pulled out of him all the way, hurting him even more.

"Because you wouldn't let me go get it!" Draco said defensively, sitting up on Harry's bed.

"And you listen to all drunken idiots?" Harry snapped back at him, rolling over onto his back as his eyes misted up from the pain in his arse.

"I tend to listen to them when their pushing me down on their bed and won't let me go." Draco said, getting even grumpier by the second. Harry knew this wasn't going to turn out good, he was grumpy in the morning and the pain he was in wasn't helping.

"I was drunk! It's what I do when I'm drunk, I attack people!" Harry snarled out at Draco, watching Draco's expression darken.

"Well you could have warned me and I wouldn't have let you get drunk!" Draco half yelled in the dark room.

"Why the hell are you complaining? If you like me so much then you should be happy to get into my bed!" Harry growled out, thinking he had a point there.

"I WANT into your bloody bed because you want me there! Not because I'm just another fuck while you're drunk!" Draco yelled at him, and Harry was sure his neighbours were going to be hearing this fight.

Draco got up, forgetting his nakedness and furiously started to pick up his clothes that had been carelessly discarded across the floor the night before. "What the hell do you mean because I want you in my bed?" Harry asked, and Draco stopped his actions to look at Harry with a lot of anger and hurt, making Harry's inside squirm.

"YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID! I want to be having sex with you because it means something, because I want you to want me! I don't want to be someone you screw like Mathew!" Draco screeched, and something clicked in with Harry's mind through the rage of being insulted.

Harry wanted Draco; he wanted to have sex with Draco. Why he wanted Draco so badly,Harry couldn't figure it out, but he did. It was there, a want for Draco to touch him, a want for Draco to want him, and he had no clue how this want got there.

"YOU'RE NOT!" Harry screamed back at Draco, shocking even himself at admitting it. Draco stopped in his movements, his clothes dropping to the floor, as he stared at Harry wide eyed.

Harry didn't know what to say to Draco, he didn't know what to do. He was in pain, confused, and just… right now needed some time away from Draco. So he did what seemed like a good idea at the time, he apparated to Alex's home right then and there, leaving Draco naked in his room.

* * *

Alex and Taylor were sitting in their kitchen, drinking coffee when a naked Harry Potter literally popped into their kitchen. The two looked up at Harry, who looked like he was about to murder something, or break down. 

"What the hell are you doing Harry?" Alex cried, and Harry just fell down on their kitchen floor, still as naked as he had been when he appeared, groaning when his bottom met the floor.

"Don't yell Alex, I got a major hang over, my arse hurts like a son of a bitch, and Draco's done his fair share of screaming my head off for you." Harry said and Taylor exchanged a look with Alex before getting up to grab a nightrobe for Harry.

"What happened?" Alex asked him, hopping off of his chair and walking over the tiled floor to grasps Harry's wrist and pull him up.

Harry looked up at Alex and shook his head, sweaty black hair falling into his eyes. "I…don't know Alex, I don't know anymore. Why do I want him? Why?" Harry asked, doubting that Alex had the answer.

"Because you love him?" Alex offered but Harry just glared at him with untrusting eyes

"Now why would you suggest something as stupid as that?" Harry asked and Alex sighed, muttering an 'Oh boy' when Taylor walked back into the kitchen and threw the night robe in Harry's face.

"Now stop streaking in my apartment, Harry, and get that bloody robe on. What the hell happened?" Alex said, returning back to his seat with his coffee as Taylor handed Harry a pain reducing potion.

"Thanks Taylor." Harry muttered as he sipped the lime tasting potion, screwing his face up at the very sour taste now flooding his mouth.

"It's okay Harry, now tell us what happened. Not every day we get a show from you, had to be a special occasion." Taylor chuckled as Harry scowled at him and sat down with the two, sipping the potion disdainfully.

"I slept with Draco last night." Harry said, making it sound as if it was the most foreign thing he had ever experienced.

"That much was obvious, why did you show up here naked?" Alex asked, and Harry glared at him.

"Shut up Alex. You know how I am in the morning; I'm crabby and well… I got Draco pissed off. One thing led to another and he was screaming at me about how he wanted me to want him and then I realized something." Harry said, thinking over the fight again with wonder.

"Which was?" Taylor asked, feeling rather stupid having to ask Harry this, it was quite obvious.

"I want him… I want him so badly that it makes me not want him." Harry said, looking even more confused then the other two men looked. "It feels so wrong, wanting him… So I left." Harry finished.

"You left?" Taylor asked, hitting his head with his hand.

"What?" Harry asked, not getting the big mistake he had made.

"You idiot, how bad do you think this will look to that Draco fellow, Harry? You just left him there." Alex said, shaking his head chuckling, finding the little bit of humour to be found in the situation.

"I don't know, I was confused! I had to get out of there…" Harry protested, trying to defend himself and failing miserably at it.

"You're an idiot Harry Potter, a big idiot." Alex said, and then a silence came over the three, not unlike the silence Harry had experienced with Draco earlier.

Review! I'll have the next 'half' of this chapter up by tomorrow I hope.


	11. Disaster

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N Okay here's the other half of the chapter that's been made into it's own little chapter cause I'm to lazy to re-upload it all -breathes- Anyways, I enjoy this chapter very much cause as my beta said, the story is finally going somewhere! -jumps for joy and throws flowers around- Anyways on with the chapter..

**lovemehatemejustdon'tfearme** you caught me there, I never said their wizards or if they were muggles. I was lazy and decided to not look on it, bad writer -smacks self-, **Kaikiki** you are loved! hehe, **myniephoenix**, **theTigersFire** lmfao, that was a great review xD Yeah Harry is the moron of all morons in this story, within reason though,**Goldensong**, **AmethystAquamarine**, **and chaeli.meep**. for reviewing last chapter :) Loves to all of you

* * *

Draco stood there naked, Harry's words ringing through his ears. "You're not." Did that mean he meant something to Harry? But as soon as Draco thought maybe he was getting somewhere with Harry, Harry disappeared on him. 

So Draco walked out of Harry's room and into the one he'd been occupying for the last week, started to dress, and sat on the bed, having no clue what the hell he was going to do.

"God damnit, Harry, could you say one thing, just one thing to tell me what the hell you want from me? I'm fucking tired of trying to get through to you… Should I just leave this place?" Draco said out loud to himself, putting his head in his hands.

Draco doubted just leaving was a good idea, but what if Harry was tired of him staying here? What if when Harry came back he told Draco to get out? Draco was starting to think Harry had left just to get away from him and wouldn't come back until Draco was gone.

Draco lay back down on the bed, willing himself to think that maybe the words Harry said meant Harry felt something more for him, and he really should be wasting his time trying to get Harry to be his lover.

* * *

"Harry, maybe you should go back now." Alex said after an hour had passed since Harry's rude, and naked, appearance. Harry looked up from the magazine he'd been reading, staring at Alex's brown hair, which was sticking up at odd angles because it had not been combed yet. 

"I guess… but it's not like I can just show up and say 'Hey Draco, sorry I walked out on you, wanna have another go?'" Harry said, placing the magazine down on the counter he'd picked it up from.

Alex looked oddly shocked, and asked Harry, "You would say something like that to him?"

Harry got the feeling that saying those exact words would be a big mistake from Alex's reaction. "Well what should I say?" Harry replied, his voice low as he shuffled his feet on the floor.

"Oh I don't know, maybe an 'I'm sorry Draco, I was confused and I would like to make it up to you.'" Alex suggested, shaking his head, trying to hold in a fit of laughter at how Harry didn't look so sure.

"You use that on Taylor don't you?" Harry asked and Alex nodded his head, knowing it usually worked. Harry sighed and thought about it, wondering if Hermione could give him better advice then Alex's.

Harry let out a groan of defeat and got up, hugging Alex around the middle. "I'll take your word for it; you seem to know what you're doing at this saying sorry thing." Harry said, before popping out of Alex's apartment and back to his own.

"Harry's gone?" Taylor asked from behind and Alex nodded, turning around to face his lover.

"Yes, I'm starting to feel like this whole thing is going to be a natural disaster just waiting to happen." Alex replied and Taylor laughed at that comment. And he was right; it was One Big Natural Disaster.

* * *

Harry apparated back into his room and took off the borrowed nightrobe, making a mental note to wash it later, which he of course would forget once it joined the mess on his floor. 

Harry grabbed a pair of black jeans and boxers, shoving them on and completely forgot to get a shirt too while he walked, actually half ran, out of his room to find Draco. Unsure of what he was going to say, he thought it quickly through his head. 'I'll try what Alex said… what was it? Umm I'm sorry… er, Confused… argh Draco's going to murder me.'

"Draco?" Harry asked outside of the closed door to his guest room, opening it up to find Draco lying on the bed, flat on his stomach. Draco stayed silent, and Harry decided to approach the bed carefully.

"Draco? Umm Listen… I'm sorry I just left like that. I was… confused." Harry said and Draco sat up quickly, his blonde hair flying all over the place as he glared at Harry, fury dancing in his grey eyes.

Draco's mouth was pursed tight, as if he was debating what to say to Harry first, so Harry took the time to get his story out before his head was snapped off by evil Draco teeth.

"Listen, I'm not used to… really wanting someone." Harry started, and it was really a bad time for his memory to kick in, but the image of Draco's annoyed face sparked his memory to another time.

_"Harry, for the last time, I'm not going out with you."_

_"Draco I really like you, why can't you give me the chance?"_

_"We're friends Harry, what happens if we date? We might break up and I don't want to lose you because of a fight."_

_"Draco who says we'll break up? We know each other so well."_

_"Harry, I do not want to date you. And I already asked Blaise out."_

_"Blaise?"_

_"Yes Blaise, I like him."_

_"Oh… well I guess that's great."_

_"Harry, are you going to be okay?"_

_"I'll be fine, Draco, just fine."_

The memory fueled anger in Harry, if he hadn't been good enough to date Draco then, why was he good enough now? "Fuck you Malfoy. How can you be pissed off at me when I put up with that crap back in school?" Harry asked, his green eyes now flashing as Draco looked at him in confusion.

"Wha--?" Draco asked, totally baffled, and it only pissed Harry off more.

"Oh don't pretend like you don't know. Going out with Blaise when I asked you out? How many times did I ask you out? Hmmm? Why don't you tell me that! Am I good enough now? Or are you just looking for some way to get Blaise back seeing as he's dating someone else?" Harry's scathing remarks hit Draco, and cut deeply.

Harry felt a little discouraged at keeping his rant up because of how upset Draco looked. "It was nothing like that Harry! Blaise and I are just friends…" Draco said weakly, because Harry seemed to get even angrier at that.

"We were just friends too! And you wouldn't date me because of it. Are you going to wait for Blaise to become a stranger too when you go back to him?" Harry snapped cruelly, not truly understanding why he was saying all this now, when he'd had the chance all those years ago, what the fuck had his younger self been thinking?

"NO! I know what I said Harry, I know what I said. I was afraid to lose you, though! Blaise was safe territory; I knew that if we broke up we both wouldn't care enough to get too pissed at each other. But if you had all of a sudden told me you wanted to break up I would have committed bloody murder." Draco explained, trying to get the truth over to an enraged Harry Potter.

Harry once again wanted to run out of the room and hide, but something made him want to stay. "Why did you come back? " Harry asked, his rage ebbing down but still simmering there, ready to boil up again if needed.

Draco was blushing now, playing with his thumbs. "I wanted to see you again… I missed you. Well I missed everyone else too but… I thought maybe there would be hope that you still wanted to try a relationship with me… not that I expected it…" Draco replied, ending in a whisper at the end that Harry barely heard.

Harry just glared at Draco, unsure of what the hell he could say. His past emotions of anger were conflicting with emotions right now, and the only thing he could handle was apathy, and that was not something he was feeling right now. "I- Draco I don't know what I want.. I don't know." Harry said, the anger in his voice dropping down to a confused tone.

Draco sighed and nodded. "Harry…" he said getting up and pulling Harry into his arms he gave him a light kiss, which Harry returned. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco, afraid that if Draco let him go, he'd start running away so he'd never have to feel this ache in his chest that seemed as if his heart was going to shoot out of his mouth any second now.

"Harry I never meant to hurt you; I just didn't want to get hurt." Draco whispered in Harry's ear, returning his mouth to Harry's, greedily wanting more from Harry's kiss. 'But you still hurt me…' Harry thought, and for once in three years he wanted to cry.

Harry's mind was going around in circles, spinning so fast at how he was yelling at Draco one minute, and then sucking his mouth off the next. 'What do I do after this? What do I say?' Harry asked himself, but he never knew the damn answer to any of his questions anyways.

Review! Tell me whatchya think :P


	12. Light Comes In

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it.

A/N I haven't updated this froever with reason, this chapter has been rewritten and reviewed by my beta and I a lot over the past month or so to get the story to work. (You'd probably cry with laughter at my first attempt to write it) So yes. So last time I updated I got 14 reviews, so I love you all for that, I don't think I've ever gotten that much reviews for one chapter :D You guys are awesome

**itsasledgehammer** Lol well that is weird about your friend, kinda funny how it goes with this story :P, **marmalade778**, **Tommi** Well I could write a prequel if you wanted, but it would be after I finish this story. I'd be happy to write a prequel though. **Goldensong**, **Fefs**, **AmethystAquamarine** The piper one? Which story are you talking about? lol confusing me here! **kozie**, **myniepheonix **it's never that easy sadly hehe** PaddycakePadfoot, Pink Cherry Blossom, lovemehatemejustdon'tfearme, chaeli.meep., theTigersFire **lol I wish that could happen but I'm to fond of twists and turnsd to allow it to happen xD **bored miko **

ookay onwards with the story!

* * *

Harry pulled away from Draco and looked up into the blonde's face. "Harry?" Draco asked him, and Harry couldn't think of one word to say to him. How can you say something when you can't think at all? 

But he had to say something. This felt right and yet it didn't. "Draco…" Harry frowned, wondering how to tell someone to leave because it was causing more problems then anything.

Draco was silent, as if he knew what was about to come. His normal relaxed form had gone sort of rigid and his face showed a hint of fear; of what, Harry didn't know. Harry himself felt anxious, so anxious that his stomach was doing flip flops like water would roll onto a beach.

Harry was determined to figure some things out right now, without Draco around. If he had to he'd go over to Hermione and make her help him force his real thoughts out, but by the end of this whole mess he'd know what the hell to think at least.

"I think you need to go." Harry said quickly, his stomach rising and falling with unease. Draco's face went from fearful to crestfallen, and that made Harry almost want to take the words back.

"Okay." Draco said and started to reach for his bag, and Harry just stood there and watched him pack. Draco picked up the bags he'd brought with him a week ago and carried them to the door, which he opened and shut in complete silence. He hadn't said one word through it all.

The main thing that worried Harry was that once Draco was out the door and his apartment had become bathed in complete silence, Harry realized how dark and empty his apartment actually was.

But for some reason Harry had never realized that before. So on an act of impulse he walked out of the second bedroom and into his own room, removing the blankets that covered his windows.

The light streamed in, blinding him for a few seconds, but after Harry had let the blankets fall to the dusty floor beneath him he didn't feel any urge to pick them up and recover the window.

Maybe it was Harry's mind just spewing stuff, but Harry got the idea that maybe it was time to let in the light to his own mind.

* * *

Draco got out of Harry's apartment as quickly as he could before he felt the sorrow take over. His bags in tow he paced out of the hallway and into the elevator, pressing the button as he watched the light turn green. 

Draco couldn't believe that it had happened; Harry had asked him to go. He'd screwed things up big time and he had no idea of how to piece anything together.

The elevators doors opened up after a ding of a bell sounded out and Draco moved himself into the small space, setting his bags down as he leaned on the wall with the railing digging into his back.

It had been the most hectic day Draco had ever had, and he'd gotten himself into this mess. He had yet to think of a place to go now, and everything was just pushing into his mind, bit by bit.

Draco first thought of Pansy and her offer to take him in, and that was his first course of action. As the elevator slowly but surely made its way down to the first level, Draco resized his bags with his wand and pocketed them along with the piece of wood.

He moved out of the elevator into the lobby and out of the glass doors, opening the cool metal door handle with his warm hands. The day was hot outside, in a sluggish, humid mix.

The sun was the only thing in the light blue sky, and it threatened to push Draco over the edge and make him scream out in a rant about how it was dastardly for that thing to even shine on a day that was so rotten.

Draco walked down the sidewalk, around people who he didn't wish to notice, and bade the hurt he felt to go away. But it hovered over him, not leaving him once as he walked down the street.

Draco knew that his outward appearance would easily be mistaken for just another person, and it was best for when he ducked behind a bush to apparate to Pansy's; no one saw a thing.

* * *

Pansy was sitting on the couch in her private room with her young child moving around, crying about how he did not want to wear the sock on his foot, but his head. 

"You're impossible!" Pansy cried out, throwing the sock to the floor in frustration and annoyance. Her son was complicated at times, and her patience for it was wearing thin as he stomach grew bigger.

Her young son looked pleased with himself, though, and Pansy was about to give him a time out for making every little thing she wanted him to do complicated when her house elf Jinks snapped into her room.

"What is it, Jinks?" she snapped, staring at the poorly dressed elf whose nose resembled a squash, a result of her son throwing a fit and hitting Jinks with a candlestick holder right in the face.

"Madam, Draco Malfoy has just apparated in and wishes to see you." the elf said in a high pitched voice, looking nervous as she wrung the rags she wore through her miniature hands.

Pansy was puzzled. Draco had not contacted her about any visit and she thought it was very probable that he was no longer able to live with Potter.

"Right, Jinks, you can go." Pansy said watching the elf glance at her son who was currently sitting in her lap on her pale robes. Her son was half dressed, and wasn't nearly ready to be presented in front of a guest, but the guest was Draco, so she decided he wouldn't mind.

Jinks looked grateful to go back to cleaning, away from her hot tempered son. Pansy got up off of the couch, the cushion rising up again after her weight was removed from it, and she grabbed her son's hand, leading him out of the door into the hallway and down the staircase.

* * *

Harry sat down in his kitchenette, looking at all the windows he had just uncovered and how much brighter his home was now. Letting his eyes adjust to the light, he moved his fingers gingerly over the smooth top of his table. 

The cupboards around him had never looked such a light colour of brown before, the metal knobs looked gray now instead of the black jewels they had been only minutes before.

Harry had let the light in and had been thinking about the problem over and over again. He'd been able to draw some conclusions, ones that he'd known all the way through, but they mattered more now.

Draco had hurt him by going out with Blaise almost three years ago! It was outrageous that he still could feel hurt over that, and Harry was somewhat repulsed by the idea that he was still in pain over it.

Harry looked up, his sight crawling over to his small living room at the TV, which as of late he had all but worshiped for his whole time being here. The TV was black and on a stand that was unused and bare, the remote sitting on his dirty couch, forgotten.

He didn't want to watch it right now, he didn't want to zone out to another show because he couldn't be bothered to do anything else. He blocked out many things because of his pain, and he had just figured out how screwed up he was because of it.

So really, it was a question of how he could move on, and if he could forgive Draco for the past.

Harry let out a large yawn, laying his down on the table as his chair pushed out slightly from under him. His back protested to the uncomfortable position, but Harry felt a headache coming on from the light flying into his room.

* * *

Draco sat down with Pansy in the room she had entertained him in earlier. Pansy's son was half dressed, but Draco barely paid it any mind, as he was lost in his own world, really. The silence in which he and Pansy had been in for the past few minutes was deafening. 

The toddler was pulling at Pansy's light colour robe, he couldn't put his finger on the actual colour, and being a general nuisance. How Pansy put up with the brat, Draco never knew. Then again, how did he put up with Harry?

"Draco, why are you here?" Pansy finally asked, getting the kid to shut up long enough for her to question him about his sudden, not exactly considered rude, appearance.

"Harry asked me to go." Draco replied, staring across the room. The room was finely furnished with cream colours, and portraits of wizards in Pansy's and her husband's pureblood line hung all over the walls.

"He did?" Pansy's voice actually hinted at her being surprised. Draco didn't know why she was surprised about anything; anyone could have seen it coming.

"Well you know what you need to do now?" Pansy said, and her kid yet again distracted her as he tried to turn over a decorated glass vase to get at the flowers that sat in the water.

"Mama, I want a flower!" the child ordered and Pansy ignored the request, picking the kid up and sitting him on her lap. There was not much of her lap left, her unborn taking it up already.

Draco shook his head, his blonde hair flying over his face. He didn't bother to fix it back into its normal place. "I don't have a clue of what to do other then I need a place to stay." Draco told her, looking over at her meaningfully.

"As if you have to ask! The guest room is ready for you." Pansy said, looking happy at being able to be a hostess. Draco suspected she wanted the company of someone other then her child.

"Thank you, Pansy." Draco said gratefully, throwing his head back onto the coach and relaxing into it. The couch was so comfortable Draco could fall asleep right there and release the tension built up inside of him.

"And of Potter?" Pansy asked.

Draco sat up again, looking at her as he lifted his shoulders up and down in defeat. He hadn't given up, he was just sick of the whole mess. And he knew he couldn't fix anything if he didn't have Harry's cooperation now.

"I have no idea." Draco spoke truthfully. He reclined his head again into the couch, closing his burning eyelids. He just sat there until Pansy broke the silence again, not looking at her get up from her chair with her son.

"Wait for him to come to you, he will." Pansy then moved across the carpeted floor with less grace then a hippopotamus, her child squirming in her arms. "Come on, Draco, I'll show you to your room. Charles, stop that this instance." she told her son, finally addressing him by his real name.

Draco got up after her, his legs protesting every step as he dragged his feet across the hardwood floor outside in the main hall. 'When did she become the wise witch?' Draco thought to himself grudgingly, knowing she was right.

Review if you read please.


	13. Destroying

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or anything attached to it.

A/N I apologize for this chapter sucking. I hate attempting to give Harry emotions when I know what he's feeling is the hardest thing ever to describe! I'm sorry it takes me so insanley long to update anything x.x Thankies to **chaeli.meep., AmethystAquamarine, crazyfrog, Kaikiki, Elektra107, lovemehatemejustdon'tfearme, MiDemoni, trebs12** for reviewing, I enjoyed em all ,

* * *

'Pull yourself together Harry, it's only light.' Harry told himself as he looked at the blackness surrounding him from his closed eyelids. He had sat down on his bed after six and had rolled around and somehow fallen asleep only to be awoken by the blinding light which spread into his room from those damn windows. 

The only problem was the light kept giving him terrible headaches. Yesterday his headache hadn't gone away because he constantly subjected himself to the bright light that the sun gave off. Right now he didn't expect much difference in the way of headaches because the light was still there to abuse his eyes.

Harry opened his eye lids slowly, growling out when the brightness hit his eyes. He didn't feel the headache come back to him, but he felt his stomach grumble, reminding him about the thing they call breakfast.

A flash of the memory about the morning he'd spent with Draco eating the pancakes he'd made ran through his head, making him feel a bit of longing in his gut. But another of those pesky memories from his past followed the thought.

"_Harry, I love pancakes. Come on; let's go ask the house elves to make some!"_

"_Draco, you know I don't like that stuff, it's bland. And you know muggles made up that recipe, right?"_

"_Harry, stop ruining my favourite meal for me."_

"_And Hermione's still on that S.P.E.W stuff, you know, she might flay our feet if she finds us going down to order them around."_

"_Good for Granger, may she go and make love to a house elf. For now let's go have pancakes."_

"_Oh, fine… Walking should be more comfortable then sleeping on the floor."_

"_You could have gone to the tower, you know, just because I'm feeling lonely doesn't mean you had to come here to sleep with me. And I did offer you the bed and I'd sleep in Blaise's."_

"_Hey, it's Christmas, Hermione and Ron are going at it like bunnies, rather spending it with a friend who isn't trying to get into someone else's pants, and ignoring me politely."_

"_True, but technically if Blaise hadn't gone—"_

"_Draco, let's get those pancakes, I suddenly found my appetite."_

"_Okay, Harry_"

'Why the hell did I allow myself to go through that?' Harry asked himself as he got up, trying to shove off the hurt that filtered through him as he remember it. How could his younger self have been so stupid as to try to get someone's attention who didn't want him?

But he still… He still felt it, didn't he? He still felt the pain so what if he still felt the… Where his thoughts were taking him was a deadly place and it scared him out of his wits to go there. He was ready to admit he had a problem, nothing else.

'Draco isn't the Draco of the past, he's grown up,' Harry told himself, knowing it was true. As he compared Draco with the behaviour he had now and the way he behaved when he was younger, Draco was much more mature now.

But was Draco being mature enough for Harry?

'I've slept with so many people just for the hell of it, just for a good time. Mathew is a perfect example of it… And when I was younger I seem to have only wanted Draco. I had him but I can't even remember it because I was pissed. Why did I let myself go so far down that I stopped caring?' Harry asked himself, but no answers were to be had.

Harry stumbled out of his room into the kitchen and made his way to the fridge, staring at it for a second before slowly opening it up. His whole place was so light and he felt so weird to be in it, like he was a nocturnal animal staying up past morn.

As Harry was reaching for a juice carton he felt a pang of regret. He'd never had Draco when he was sober, he'd never slept with Draco sober other then that one time on the soaked bathroom floor. He didn't count that as sleeping with Draco though, more like giving in to pleasures.

Opening the juice carton with his hands, he tipped it up to cover his mouth and started to drink from it, gulping down the tangy juice. Taking the carton away from his lips and taking in a breath as his stomach filled up with the juice, Harry started to feel his hunger fade.

'I'm going insane. I tell Draco to leave and now I think I miss him? I'm bloody fucking insane…' It was true that Harry had needed some time to collect his thoughts, and now he imagined he missed Draco but he couldn't forgive the blond that easily.

Harry put the carton down on his table and stared directly out into the sun, ignoring the clock and the fact he'd actually forgotten to show up at work today. He could call in sick anyways, so what if he risked getting fired?

His felt like he was ready to explode with all the emotions that had raged through him, and he really didn't know what to do about it. He was confused, he was hurt, he was angry… He felt like it was one big vicious cycle and he finally wanted to get out of it.

* * *

Draco had been sitting at Pansy's kitchen table when Blaise walked in and sat down on the chair beside him, pushing away his piece of toast. Draco looked up at Blaise with annoyance, ready to protest at how he'd been greeted. 

"Pansy told me Potter kicked you out. What happened?" Blaise asked him and Draco looked over at Pansy who just shrugged, going back to feeding Charles.

Draco looked back to Blaise and shrugged, looking back at his toast which he was being denied right now. "It's confusing; I don't know what to do. He's still upset by what happened almost three years ago around when you and I dated… Why?" Draco asked.

"I told Granger about you staying at Harry's and she got very upset, told me to inform her the instant anything went wrong. I now know why she was worried," Blaise explained and sat down beside Draco, looking ahead of him at nothing.

"Any suggestions on what the hell I can do about it?" Draco snapped at his friend, he was still upset about yesterday and it felt like Blaise was sticking a stick into a wound.

"How should I know? It's Harry who has the problem, it's Harry who needs to approach you, and it's Hermione who I will tell about you being kicked out of his apartment," Blaise replied, ignoring Draco's tone.

"I was not kicked out of his apartment! I was asked to leave…" Draco retorted, realizing how weak the statement was in a way.

"Okay, okay…" Blaise said, rolling his eyes at Draco and getting up from the table and squealing the chair against the tiles. The contact it made gave Draco a shudder, but he ignored it and grabbed for his toast to eat it.

"Where are you going?" Pansy finally asked Blaise as he started to leave her kitchen, leaving as suddenly as he had come. Pansy didn't like people coming in and out of her house like that.

"To let all hell loose. I'll see you two later, good luck with that kid Pansy," Blaise replied briskly as he nodded his head in the direction of a very red Charles. Pansy sighed and grabbed her son, plucking him out of his chair.

"How did you stand him, Draco?" Pansy asked, referring to Blaise even though she was looking at her upset son, who was kicking her round belly now.

"He wasn't Harry, I guess," Draco replied, not wishing to say much more or think about Harry anymore. All he wanted to do was get rid of the feeling of guilt and get lost in eating his toast, as pathetic as it was.

* * *

There was a loud knock at the door, one where Harry could tell the person who was on the other side of his apartment entrance was growing impatient as they knocked repeatedly. "WHO THE HELL IS IT?" Harry yelled in annoyance. 

"Harry, open up now!" Hermione's screech came from the other side of the door. Harry got up with a sigh and slowly opened the door, only to find it burst open by a bushy haired woman who shoved her way into his apartment.

Their eyes met, Hermione's full of pure determination. 'Oh great, what does she want now?' Harry remembered their last meeting and her shoving a big plate full of pasta into his hand, telling him to fatten up. The pushy, bossy girl he'd always known still reared her ugly head when she wanted to!

"Hello, Hermione… what do you want?" Harry said warily, going back to his couch to lie down on. Hermione followed behind him and sat down beside him, looking around the room with widened eyes.

"You took off the sheets and let the sun in," she stated in amazement, and Harry felt rather stupid in that moment.

Criticize

"Yes…"

"Harry, why did you do that?" Hermione asked, looking at him with a softened face. Did she seem proud of him in a way?

"I felt like I needed to… Why are you here?" Harry repeated his question, looking down at his floor. 'The carpets not grey… it's beige,' Harry found himself thinking, wondering where the hell he had been not to have known his own carpets colour!

"To ask about Draco but… your apartment!" she exclaimed happily, as if he'd done some amazing feat just by uncovering the damn windows.

"Yes, Hermione, we've been over this already. What about Draco?" Harry asked, wondering why she was here about him.

Hermione seemed to come out of her shocked state and looked at him with a small smile gracing her lips. "I was just wondering what happened, Harry. You can tell me anything, you know," she said, her voice losing that clip that had been there at the beginning of the meeting.

"Hermione, I'm going insane," Harry said, looking resolved and very sincere in his statement. Hermione just burst out laughing on the spot, leaning forward on the couch with her hair rolling down in front of her chest.

"I am, okay? I miss Draco but I'm pissed as hell at him, myself, and everybody else…" Harry said, not sure on how to keep continuing with this and why he completely believed his insanity.

"Harry, do you even remember what you felt for Draco back in seventh year? I've been worried about you but you never let me approach the subject," Hermione said, and Harry thought about that. Looking over at her he shrugged as if he didn't have a clue about what she meant.

"I really liked him. I was hurt when he left and… I don't know why the hell I put up with him dating that Zabini guy after asking him to date me. I should have kicked his arse… I don't even know why I didn't remember until Draco came back, though, so I've got to be insane," Harry replied.

An understanding expression crossed Hermione's face and she pulled him into a tight hug on the couch. Harry could only shakily and uncomfortably place his hands around her waist and lightly return the hug. His look of uneasiness was ignored by Hermione or she didn't see it.

"Harry, you're not going insane," Hermione said over Harry's shoulder, still hugging him until she broke it off. She pulled back on the couch and stood up straight, smiling at Harry.

"Then what am I?"

"You're really hurt, and you love Draco," Hermione told him. Harry blanched at the word 'love' and glared at her, shaking his head and sliding away from her on the couch. Hermione looked affronted as to how he reacted to it, but she stayed calm.

"I don't love him! I loved him once but that was three years ago! You don't love people for so long, it just… makes too much damn sense," Harry growled out and started to sulk, looking pissed off now. Hermione sighed and eyed him with annoyed brown eyes.

"You love him, you idiot. I noticed that right after Draco left you got angry and then eventually you just pulled away from everything."

"Why didn't you say something?" Harry snapped, looking at her accusingly. Hermione stared him down and it made him want to squirm under her gaze.

"You were pushing me and Ron away; this is the first time you've actually opened up to me in a log time. How could I have gotten through to you?" Hermione asked him and Harry reluctantly nodded his head and looked down at the floor dejectedly.

He felt bad for all that he'd done now. He had pushed them away, and he still felt awkward telling Hermione about his emotions right now, but he felt the motivation to work on it. It was motivation he'd thought had long left him.

"Sorry," Harry said gruffly, admitting he might have been wrong in his actions was hard enough, saying this word was torture in its own way. It pleased Hermione, though, because she smiled at him and patted his shoulder.

"I think you should talk to Draco, Harry. Just tell him what you feel." Hermione said, not knowing her words were getting interpreted very badly by Harry. Harry looked at her as if she was insane, if he told Draco all he was feeling he'd only start another fight… he was still too angry with Draco to give in so easily.

"All that I feel?" Harry asked her, looking at her suspiciously. 'She can't be telling me to go and open up to that bastard,' Harry thought to himself.

"Yes, he's at Pansy's right now. Here's the address," Hermione said, taking out a small quill and piece of parchment from her robes. Scribbling down something on the paper she handed it to Harry, who took it, thinking over what he could possibly say to Draco, or if he even wanted to go and see Draco at all.

"Just think about it, Harry, it doesn't have to be right now but you have things that you need to say to him," Hermione said to him. Harry nodded and put the address down on the table, looking back at Hermione.

After a moment of silence Harry decided he'd ask a question that had been running through his mind randomly for the whole conversation. "Why did you come here, Hermione?" Harry asked for a third time. 'I know there were other motives other then my well being, now tell me damnit!'

Hermione sighed and pushed her bushy hair behind her ears as she shifted on the couch. "I was tired of watching you destroy yourself slowly," she replied calmly, looking at him sadly.

Review please, just tell me what you thought :)


	14. Fact and Lie

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter

A/N I regret to announce this is one of the last three chapters for this story. I might work on a story the happens before this one and tells the history of Draco and Harry before this story. But yes, that's what I have to say. Thanks to **cheali.meep., rosiegirl, AmethystAquamarine, MiDemoni, Fefs, sinsoftheflesh98, MidNite Pheonix, and Angelina-Floorina**, I am glad you liked reading my story and reading it :)

* * *

"_Things you need to say to him."_ The words still rang through Harry's head even now after Hermione had left ten minutes ago. 

That was something Harry guessed he had already known before Hermione's unexpected visit. This was the first time he'd seen her in a long time that he hadn't felt unwilling to listen to her. In the end Harry figured Hermione had her heart in the right place, only she was impatient to see the right thing happen.

Harry sighed and looked back at the piece of paper Hermione had left on the table in front of him, knowing if he saw Draco he'd only start another fight. So was it really worth looking up that address, going over to the place, and screaming at Draco?

For some reason yelling his lungs out at Draco felt like a very satisfying idea to Harry. He could go to the address scrawled over the piece of paper, ask to see Draco, smack him and then yell some more. Yet even though that would make Harry feel better, he knew that would not fix anything, only make it worse.

Harry lay down on his couch after looking back at the door, remembering Hermione's bushy head walking out the door very vividly in his mind. 'Hermione is usually right, though, isn't she? She might have a point…'

Harry mulled it over some more, only to find he didn't want to see Draco and yet he did. He'd have to make a choice sooner or later; no one else was going to make it, not even Hermione in her pushy mood.

* * *

Draco sat down at Pansy's wishing he could be out doing something with Harry. He had to give Harry space, no amount of missing and wishing Harry was there with him would make Harry come and talk to him again. 

Draco could only hope Blaise hadn't really let all hell loose. He didn't want Harry to be upset with him any more then he already was. He'd been thinking over the times when he'd been dating Blaise a lot the past few days and wondered how the hell he could have not seen Harry's pain back then.

Yes Harry let him talk about his problems and sexual adventures with Blaise, but Draco knew that he'd never looked to happy about it or enthusiastic to hear about anything Draco had to say about the matters. Had that been the first clue that their friendship was in jeopardy?

Perhaps it had been, but Draco could only beat himself up for what happened in the past for so long. He didn't regret what he had done; dating Harry when they were too young to do so would have been hard on them both.

Draco hadn't been ready to love Harry then, and when he finally thought he was ready to love Harry, he had found himself in one big mess with a very apathetic Harry Potter. So now that things were starting to come into play, why couldn't he be with Harry?

Because he'd fucked up. He went on with his life and forgot to make sure Harry was fine. Draco had a lot of time to think things over and he was now convinced he could have done something more to make sure he'd stayed in touch with Harry over the years. He really should not have expected to come back after three years to a happy Harry.

And now all Draco felt was regret. It was eating him up inside and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. All day he sat around and did nothing but think himself into confusion. He had to stop thinking, he really did.

Draco got up from the chair he'd been occupying for the last half hour and went out into the kitchen where Pansy stood, cooing over her son who was fast asleep in her arms now. Draco looked at her and smiled. "So you love the little brat?" he asked, taking his mind off his thoughts for now.

Pansy looked up and frowned at Draco, laying her son down on a large pillow in the hall where he liked to sleep. "Yes, I love my son. He can be trying but I still love him. The way Potter acted never stopped you from wanting him, did it?" she asked and Draco glared harshly at her.

"I'm trying to stop thinking about that, Pansy, could you not remind me about it," he asked, shuffling his feet on the tiled ground beneath him. Pansy rolled her eyes, leant down stiffly with her big stomach bulging out and kissed her son softly on the forehead.

"It's not my fault, Draco, so do not snap at me," Pansy said calmly, but sounding agitated. Draco sighed and mumbled his apology. "Draco, I know you're not feeling good, but you have to be patient."

The look Draco gave her made her burst out into a small fit of laughter, and she covered her mouth up with her right hand. Draco suspected she didn't want to wake up Charles from his nap and he couldn't blame her for that.

"Draco, stop moping and try to do something with yoursel-" Pansy was saying when a resounding knock came from the door.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Draco turned his head to the direction of the door and Pansy hissed under her breath, "Going to wake Charles up…" She walked to the front door, unlocked it, and opened it up calmly even though Draco knew from the way she was carrying herself she was annoyed.

No one stood up that straight while greeting someone at the door with that stern of a look on their face. Draco waited for her to tell the person to shove off and leaned against the staircase leading up to the second floor.

But Pansy didn't speak too loudly, only talked to the person in a hushed voice. Draco watched her movements carefully, wondering who was at the door. "Look, Parkinson, can I just _speak_ to him?" Draco heard Harry's voice finally ask in frustration.

"If you keep your voice down and talk to him outside you can," Pansy said back in an equally frustrated voice. Draco walked closer to the door and pushed Pansy aside, smiling weakly at Harry.

Pansy huffed but Draco paid her no mind. Harry was wearing dark jeans and a black top and he was hardly smiling, but his attempt of a half smile when Draco pushed Pansy away was enough for Draco.

"Hey, Harry," Draco said, staring at Harry's bright green almond shaped eyes, forgetting Pansy was right beside him for a second or two.

"Can you two discuss things outside, please? I do not want Charles waking up," Pansy said, all but pushing Draco forcefully outside her house onto the small porch where Harry now stood.

Harry moved to the side for Draco to move onto the porch without Draco falling into him, and Pansy closed the door tightly and swiftly, leaving them alone together on the white porch. Harry moved to one side of the porch after a long silence, looking away from Draco before he started to speak.

* * *

Harry looked out over the scenery of Parkinson's house. It was a nice place to live, a good place to raise a family. Harry had always thought the last thing he wanted was a family, much less a spouse. Seeing this place, was it giving him second thoughts, now? 

Harry shook his head and decided the nice little neighbourhood he'd managed to find with the address Hermione gave him was having a weird affect on him. He had to tell Draco all he was thinking, all the anger he felt, he felt compelled to tell him.

Harry doubted it would make a difference, he was still angry, and yet he wanted something out of this, if there was something to be had out of this confrontation he'd gone looking for.

Parkinson looked like she had a good place for herself and it made Harry envious in a small way. But that wasn't relevant right now, what was relevant was what he had to say to Draco, and he had better do it now.

Or he'd chicken out again. Something he couldn't afford, not now. It was time to let Draco know everything; it was time to settle whatever it was between them.

* * *

"I don't know where to start, Draco. There's so much to be said to you and I can barely start on how angry I am with you," Harry said first and Draco's heart started to race at the thought of Harry still being angry with him. 

"I don't even know why the hell I put up with you. Why the hell did I let you go off with Blaise and just be a push over about it those years before? I can't think of one damn reason I let you get away with hurting me so badly once. And now look at me!" Harry said to Draco.

"Harry, where are you going with this?" Draco asked him. Draco didn't want to be made out to be the bad guy here, he had his reasons and Harry wasn't the only victim in this prediction they'd found themselves in.

"Why the hell did you leave and why the fuck did you come back expecting it to be all right with me? What the hell where you thinking, Draco?" Harry asked angrily, turning around to face Draco. His green eyes burned with anger, and Draco only hoped it wasn't so bad that Harry wouldn't hear him out.

"I already told you that, Harry. I love you, damnit. I loved you then but we wouldn't have been ready for it. Could you honestly say that we would have both been able to handle a serious relationship at such a damn young age?" Draco hissed out, taking a step back when Harry made one towards him.

"I—" Harry started but stopped, looking down at his feet for a minute as he shuffled them around on the wooden porch. Draco watched Harry as he seemed to gather his thoughts, and when Harry looked back at him his eyes were no longer filled with anger but once again with confusion.

"You still don't know what you want… do you?" Draco asked him. Draco wished he could disguise the hurt in his voice, but he knew it wasn't going to work. Harry didn't know what he wanted, and he didn't know if he loved Draco.

"No, all that I know is I love you, but it's not a happy feeling. It hurts to even be near you," Harry finally confessed to Draco, looking down at the ground as a shimmer of hope glinted through Draco's silver eyes. 'He loves me, he said it!' his first voice said before his second voice squashed the hope rising in him. 'He said it hurts him, I hurt him.'

"I understand… I guess," Draco responded, looking away from Harry as the disappointment crashed through his barriers.

Harry shook his head and sighed, and he started to move to the stairs leading down the porch to the paved driveway. "You don't understand, how could you when I don't?" Harry asked.

Draco shook his blonde head, the stray hairs flying into his eyes. "I do, though," he insisted.

"No, Draco, you don't. Listen, tomorrow can you meet me at my work? I need this, please," Harry asked him and Draco imagined Harry had grown in a way. He was acting different, it was weird and it only served to make Draco apprehensive. Lately things that were different form the normal had been affecting Draco because of Harry's 'one moment happy next moment angry' attitude.

Draco nodded and looked up at Harry, who was staring up at him with another of his half smile. He seemed to be unsure of smiling, like it was something new to him. "Okay, Harry, tomorrow I'll come in to see you," Draco promised, moving slowly towards the door behind him.

"Okay," Harry responded and walked back down the pavement, where he stopped near the end, looked both ways and…

CRACK.

Harry was gone; he'd apparated for once in three years back to his apartment. Draco could see some changes in Harry, if Harry didn't see them himself. Draco walked back into Pansy's house, smiling half heartedly at her as she stood by the window.

"So you were watching us?" Draco asked her, and Pansy grinned, unashamed of her eavesdropping.

"Of course I was," she said, walking away from him towards the kitchen. Draco didn't need to hear much more then that, he knew Pansy had never been one for caring about others' privacy. Draco started heading up the staircase towards his guest room for a nap, wondering if Pansy would keep her mouth shut or if he'd have to do it for her.

Tomorrow, he'd think about everything tomorrow. For now he was going to have a good rest where he didn't have to be troubled by anything.

* * *

Harry left Draco with a heavy heart. He'd tallied the truth in his mind, and yet he still felt pain. Fact- Draco loved him. Fact- he loved Draco. Lie- Draco never cared about him. Lie- Harry didn't need to love someone. Fact- Harry was hurt. 

Even after talking to Hermione, Harry needed someone else to talk to. Who else could he go to? The name was obvious, who had he rushed to when he'd woken up with Draco in his bed? Who had he trusted these last three years?

Alex. He'd call Alex, he'd talk to him, and he'd get something figured out to tell Draco tomorrow. Right now it was the best Harry could come up with. Now what was he going to do with his time?

Harry eyed the tele in front of him, looked down at the remote on the table in his living room, and moved back to his bedroom. He must have a book in there to dig up somewhere.

There we go, leave a Review please.


	15. Last Meeting

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

A/N You may kill me for the shortness of this and the Epilogue, I just really could not explain a lot or it would have, as my Beta said, opened a whole different can of worms :P and yes I had to use that quote! Anyways enjoy the last two updates for this story :) Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, **cheali.meep., sinsoftheflesh98, AmethystAquamarine** Sadly the very romantic fluffy stuff won't happen in this story, I can always make a side to it with _that sort of_ scene though xD,** MidNite Phoenix, crazyfrog** hehe glad you think it would be a good story, it would be a lot more angst filled then this one, **Angelina-Floorina, UK All The Way** you're review made me laugh out loud hehe, I loved all of the reviews :)

* * *

Harry watched Draco come into the restaurant while he stood at the cash, counting the money in the till to make sure there was enough in it. Harry looked up when the door opened and squinted because the light blaring in all but blinded his vision. Nodding, Harry quickly finished his job and went to find Larry. 

Larry was busy talking to one of the cooks about a pay check when Harry appeared and tapped him on the shoulder, the man turned around and glared at Harry. "What do you want, Potter?" he asked, obviously still regretting letting Harry once again get away with skipping work.

"Could I have a quick break right now?" Harry asked, knowing this was a bad time to ask Larry for generosity. Larry narrowed his eyes at Harry in his dark garb and growled out in frustration, giving in because he was busy with someone else.

"This isn't a damn social scene, Potter, fifteen minutes with your blond friend or my lenience will run thinner then it already is with you," Larry said, indicating he realized who Draco was and knew he and Harry were friends. 'How the hell do you know he's my friend?" Harry thought for a second.

Harry shrugged it off, knowing he had bigger things to deal with right now. Walking back into the seating area Harry found Draco sitting at the corner. Manoeuvring around the chairs and tables he reached Draco and seated himself on the opposite side of the blond.

Draco's blond hair had been tied back, his shirt and pants were simple dress, and he looked as if he hadn't had a good sleep despite obvious facts to try and hide those bags under his grey eyes.

Harry placed his hands on the table in front of him and eyed them, opting not to greet Draco with anything but silence. He had spent about two hours the other night on the phone with Alex, screaming, sometimes, about the problem he was facing with Draco.

"_Oh come on, Harry, if it hurts you it's pretty obvious."_

"_Fuck no it's not, Alex."_

"Yes it is, he hurts you, or you're hurt by him. Either way you need time to heal and be alone."

"…"

"_Harry, are you still there?"_

"_You sure I have to heal?"_

"_Oh for pity's sake… Yes!"_

"_Alex I think I'm perfectly fine—"_

"_You wouldn't be on the phone with me if you thought there was nothing wrong. Now just do what's right for you."_

"_Fine!"_

"_Goodbye, Harry."_

"_Wait; who said I wanted you to go?"_

"_Well normally you hate talking on the phone…"_

"_Forget normal, I know nothing of the bloody sort. Now help me figure out what to tell Draco tomorrow."_

"_Tell him what you feel."_

"_You're the best help ever, you know that?"_

"_Shut up, Harry."_

Harry could re-think the conversation a thousand times over and in the end he knew Alex told him was the way to go. "Draco…" Harry started, stopping when Draco looked eagerly into his face.

"I only have about eleven minutes so here goes…" Harry said and Draco listened intently for his next words.

The tension was rising up in Harry's body and it was only let out through the words that came out of his mouth. Harry said what he needed to say quickly, very unsure of what to say so what came out was not the best of sayings.

"We can only be friends."

Draco heard, and he couldn't control his face falling to show how much it did hurt to be rejected. Yes it was nice rejection, no they had not been dating anyways, but in a way his offer to be boyfriends had silently been asked through his whole visit.

And now it looked like it would never happen. "Harry," Draco tried to say, to say he would do anything to make Harry feel okay around him, he'd do anything to have Harry want to be with him. Yet he could not find the words to do so.

"I can't, Draco. I want to be friends with you and then maybe after awhile, it might work out," Harry told him, making sure there was no room for argument.

"Might," Draco said sulkily, looking down at the table with a pout on his face.

"Yes, might. I need to do this."

"Fine," Draco replied, getting up to leave in a dejected angry manner. Harry put a hand on Draco's, looking into his eyes stubbornly.

"Stop it and please, just be my friend. Do this for me, stop being selfish," Harry said, gaining a bit of insight into Draco. Draco wanted to glare at Harry for hitting home, but knew that this would have to be the way it would be. He would hate every minute of it, though.

Draco settled back down in his seat and Harry's head swerved to the right, looking at a clock on the wall. "Five more minutes," he mumbled and looked back at Draco, giving him another half smile.

"You said yesterday you loved me," Draco said, whining in a way to the dark haired boy in front of him. Harry sighed and shifted in his seat, now getting uncomfortable with where the conversation was going.

"I did, and I do," he replied in a whisper, still having trouble admitting it.

"Then why?" Draco asked, searching for a better answer from Harry, one Harry was too nervous to give.

"I can't be in a relationship, not right now anyway. Can we still be friends?" Harry asked, needing the answer from Draco. If he didn't get one he knew it would never be what it could be.

Draco nodded reluctantly, and said in a low voice, "I guess." Harry smiled and nodded, looking out of the corner of his eye at Larry looming over him menacingly. He had to get back to work now.

"I'm sorry, Draco, but I have to go back to work," Harry said in parting. He got up and pushed the chair he had been sitting on back under the table. Walking back to his spot at the cash to count money again. He sighed when he saw Draco walk out of the restaurant erratically.

"So, Potter, I had better see some changes in your behaviour," Larry grunted out before walking back to his office behind the kitchen. Harry went back to handling the change, dropping them into the right sections as he went back to working.

'You wouldn't fire me even if I wasn't trying to change; I'm one of the only ones who will be a waiter here,' Harry thought but refrained from opening his mouth.

* * *

Draco left the restaurant in a hurry, needing to go and have some sleep. Last night he'd dreamt dreams that told him what he would be told; all night he knew there was no hope for him and Harry. 

Now walking down the sidewalk he ignored others walking to and fro around him, putting one foot in the other while he thought. Harry had told him that he wanted to be friends, the same thing he'd told Harry three years ago.

So what goes around really does come around. But Draco understood something this time, unlike Harry he had to be there for Harry. He was upset, and if this was the end of it all he'd be damned. He'd seen Harry and how damaged he was, so maybe this was the best way to help Harry.

But he really did not know how to keep himself form wanting Harry, it would be hard. Draco sighed and hoped, hoped he was up to the challenge of being Harry Potter's friend. Harry had, in more or less words, indicated he might one day want more, hadn't he?

Draco took the flicker of hope and went on back to Pansy's. He had a life to sort out as well he figured; it was time to settle back down at home. The hurt was still there, but now he'd ignore it and feel it later. He had to get a job, and get on with life where he had left it.

Nothing had really changed, Draco guessed, and as much as he hated to admit it, he really was just picking up where he'd left off three years ago. Only maybe this time it was more painful and troublemaking.

Before everything went back to normal, he'd feel the pain.

* * *

Review please! I'm sorry again about the size of the chapter ;.; 


	16. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

A/N The end of it all! I will be working on a story, a Prelude to this one, of Harry and Draco's lives during the school year I so breifly touched on. So thank you for reading all the way to here :)

* * *

Harry looked back at the clock above his kitchen sink wondering where the hell Draco was. The smell of fresh lemon soap was in the air of his apartment and it reminded Harry there had been a time when he hadn't cleaned this place for three years. 

Harry knew that it was easy to magic cleaning appliances to make them clean for him, but it was Draco and on a small scale of stupidity he'd be proud to let Draco know he'd made this place dust free all on his own.

The small black hand was going closer to the '7' and the larger black hand on his clock was moving slowly to the '0' like it was powered by a tortoise. Harry fidgeted in his newly acquired chair, getting a little annoyed that Draco always had to be on damn time!

The brown, stain free chair actually belonged to Draco. They'd moved it here yesterday along with a bunch of other furniture Draco wanted to take from his bedroom at the manor. Draco had been living there for five months while he found a job and settled back down in Britain.

Of course Draco had insisted on chucking a few of Harry's furniture: like his couch. Harry still maintained if Draco didn't drop by for a chat during times he had a fuck buddy over there'd be no need to get rid of the couch.

"_The couch goes."_

"_Draco, where will we sit, then, without the couch?"_

"_We can sit on the floor."_

"_Oh come on, Draco…"_

"_Harry, I don't care, I don't ever want to look at that couch again."_

"_Well you know we could add to the couch's experiences of me and my sex escapades."_

"_It goes."_

"_Argh, fine, you're fucking impossible."_

"_Any more furniture you've had sex on that wasn't with me?"_

"_The chair over there…"_

"_Incendio."_

"_Draco! You didn't need to set it on fire…"_

Harry's eyes swerved back to the clock and then towards the door. Still no knock, still no Draco. Over the past five months he and Draco hadn't been dating, but every one of their friends knew it was as if they were reserved by the other. Mathew had tried to ignore that once a few months back and found Draco's fist breaking his nose.

That was the last time Mathew ever called Harry; Harry could hardly call it a loss. Over the few months Harry slowly came out of his shell, and it was hard for him to think about how or why it happened.

One day it was something small like showing up at Draco's because he wanted to, and then next he was the one pulling Draco along with him to a Quidditch game. Now it was Harry who'd asked Draco to move in with him.

Draco, of course, had accepted and over the weekend they'd been shoving Draco's stuff into Harry's apartment. Harry knew Hermione was a little wary of him and Draco moving in and trying the relationship; she didn't trust Draco but it was something Harry knew she'd deal with.

Harry looked back up at the clock and growled out at the clock. "Damn thing, can't it go faster?"

* * *

Draco walked as quickly as he could towards the apartment, knowing he'd be on time as he always was. The only way to describe this day was that he was giddy, what an odd way to describe a way he felt. 

But that's how he felt. He'd felt giddy ever since he and Harry had made arrangements for him to move in and finally be together. There were many things he couldn't wait to do with Harry, but that was to be expected.

Draco opened the door to Harry's apartment using the spare key he'd gotten yesterday. He had a suitcase filled with his clothes and could very well recall the time he'd come here and left here five months before. This time was better then the last.

* * *

Harry glared at his black and white clock on the wall. He got up and walked around the living room when the door to his apartment and the hall opened with a key rattling. Harry stopped and looked over to the door, watching Draco walk through the door with a bunch of luggage behind him. 

Harry watched as Draco threw his luggage to the floor and turned to face him, his long blonde hair tied and hanging down one of his shoulders. Draco smiled at Harry who grinned.

"About bloody time you got here."

* * *

Again I'm sorry about the length ;.; Review please!  



End file.
